I Swear That I'll Be Around For You
by MindAtWork
Summary: The third installment of the Like You Need it to Survive universe. Alexander and John are settled into family life, but that doesn't mean that there aren't still challenges... but maybe Alex is ready to face them together?
1. Chapter 1

**New story! Hooray! I am so excited to delve into this story line. Thank you for sticking it out with me. New readers, welcome! Please note that this is the third installment of the Like You Need it to Survive universe and not a stand alone work. I can't wait to see what you think.**

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I stood in the door frame, watching John, crouched down talking to Philip, "alright, Pips, you're sleeping with papi tonight, me and aunt Patsy are going out, but we'll be back late tonight while you're asleep, okay?" he tucked a piece of hair behind Philip's ear.

"You'll come back?" he worried, tangling his fingers together.

"Don't daddies and papis always come back?"

Philip nodded slowly, his lips scrunched up to one side.

"Sure do, so that means I'll be back, right?"

Philip smiled a little more, and laced his fingers behind John's neck and giggled, "yeah! Te amo, love you, love you lots."

"Te amo, love you, love you more." John squeezed our boy and kissed the tip of his nose.

Martha - looking lovely as ever, dressed for their night out - sighed, "I'm sorry about the sleeping arrangements, I should just get a bigger bed up there for when you guys come down."

"It's fine, really, Martha."

"You're sure you don't mind watching both kids tonight?"

"You know I love Ellie, don't worry for a minute… and I have Polly. I'm sure the two of us will be able to manage."

"I hate that David still overnights at the clinic." she rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry about it." I reassured her.

John closed the distance between us and kissed me, "thanks again, I love you."

I squeezed his hand, "love you, too. Go have fun."

John and Martha left and Philip clung to my side, arms around my waist, pensive look on his face.

"It's okay, hijo." I squeezed his little shoulder.

"Can we go play with Ellie?"

"Of course, petit lion, let's go."

Ellie and Polly were in Ellie's room playing with her Barbies, Philip sat on the floor with her and started to brush one of the doll's hair. I sat on the bed with Polly and we watched the kids play.

"How are things? Haven't gotten to talk to you yet." she watched the kids play.

"Pretty good. Pip's first year of school is in the books, he's so smart, John's just absolutely killing it at work, I've got a steady stream of clients. We're doing alright."

"I can't believe he's going to be in first grade!" Polly pouted.

"Tell me about it. You still dating that Charles guy?"

She beamed, "yeah, we've been together for a year now."

"He's a… poli sci major?"

Polly nodded, "yeah, he's interning this summer with one of the congressmen."

"Good for him. What about you?"

"I'm alright… kind of floating. I don't really know what I want to do."

"Never too late, kid. You can still become a lawyer at thirty." I winked at her.

She grinned, "guess you're right."

"Alright, little people it's eight o'clock, so we've got fifteen minutes until bedtime. We're going to play for five more minutes and then we get to clean up our toys, okay?"

"Okay." Ellie started putting the toys away.

"We still have five minutes, don't put them away yet." Philip countered, still playing.

"But we don't want to get in trouble, Pip."

"We can't get in trouble, Ellie," he rolled his eyes as though it were obvious, "my papi a'plit-citly said, we can play for five minutes, there's no backsies on the law, and the people in charge make the law, and my papi's in charge of us."

Polly doubled over giggling, "'no backsies on the law!' Oh, my God, he's gonna be a lawyer!"

"It's 'explicit,' Pip, but good job."

Ellie came over to her bed and put her hands on my knees, "Uncle Alex, what's 'explicit' mean?"

"It means to make something very clear."

"Oh, so we can keep playing?"

"For about two more minutes, then put toys away and get ready for bed and we can go watch a movie downstairs."

The kids put their toys away when asked and I put Philip through the paces of getting ready for bed, while on the other side of the estate house Polly did the same with Ellie. We reconvened in the basement game room where the pullout sofa was still made up from last night when we'd gotten into town.

Polly started the movie and sat in the recliner. I situated myself in the middle of the sofa bed and Philip curled in under my arm, Ellie seated herself on the other side. I held my book low enough that Philip could still see the movie.

The kids eventually lost interest and started poking each other over top of me, poking turned to playfully slapping, which turned into rougher slapping. Without my eyes ever leaving the page I restrained Philip's hands, he kicked his feet over me to add a new level to the game. Ellie kicked back. I slid my foot up the bed, my knee partitioning them and let go of Philip's hands, the poking resumed and I held my book between them to block their hands, Philip crawled over me to reach Ellie better, I shoved him back over.

"Alright, alright, we're done." I looked over my book at each of them.

"But, Papi!"

"Awh," Ellie whined.

"El, let's get to bed." Polly stood up.

"But, aunt Polly!"

"Nope, let's go," Ellie leaned over me and hugged Philip.

"Night, Ellie." I ruffled her hair.

"Alexander, do you want the lights off?" Polly offered.

"Yes, please. Thanks, good night."

The lights went out and Philip snuggled up against me.

"Can we call daddy?" he asked in a tiny voice.

"No, baby. He's at a show with aunt Patsy."

"But I really miss him."

"I know baby, but he'll be home soon."

He got closer to my ear, "I don't like aunt Patsy's house… it's too quiet here. Not enough car noise and people noise."

"I agree, I've always thought that."

"Can you play some music? I can't sleep when it's this quiet and 'cause I miss daddy."

"It's hard for me to sleep when I miss your daddy, too."

"And when it's too quiet." He reminded me.

"That, too."

"So can you, papi? Can your phone make it louder so I can go to sleep?"

I found a city sound machine app and turned it on, Philip tucked up against me and his little body thrummed with the manufactured sounds of the city. I slept easier with the sounds of car horns and trains filling the air in the quiet room of the South Carolinian estate.

In the morning, John came downstairs and woke us both up, Philip launched himself at John, his legs swinging as John picked him up.

"Daddy! I missed you.

John snuggled into Philip's hair and kissed his cheek. He set him down and leaned in to kiss my.

"Hey, Philip, why don't you go up and see in there's a movie on."

"Okay, bye, dad!" he scrambled away, "bye, papi!"

John crawled into the pull out bed next to me and found his place under my arm. I wrapped my arms around him.

"So weird sleeping alone." He mused.

"I know, I missed you."

"You really don't think we could still get Pip in between us on the bed upstairs?"

"Have you never slept with your boy? He sleeps sideways."

John giggled, "I know, it was easier when he was littler."

"He's a real kid now, not just our baby." I sighed against the nostalgia.

"Think maybe he'd do alright on his own? He's doing better sleeping alone at home."

I pulled a face, "I don't know, John, he could barely get to sleep last night without you here."

"No… he wasn't too upset, was he?"

I shrugged, "no tears, but he had a rough time falling asleep."

John pouted and traced lazy lines over my chest, "my poor baby."

"We managed, I'm glad you got to go out. Did you guys have a good time?"

"It was a blast. We really did have fun."

"Good, that's the point, it's your vacation, too."

He put his forehead against mine and pulled my face closer to his before kissing me, just kisses, loving, soft, tender."

From the top of the stairs we heard Philip's feet pattering down to us, "papi, daddy, cuddles are incoming!"

He appeared at the foot of the stairs, arms stretched to the sides and he made a plane sound and jumped into bed with us, settling in the middle, he pet both of our cheeks and smiled to himself. John squeezed him and I took the opportunity to blow a raspberry on his belly where his shirt had ridden up.

Philip squealed, "no, no, no, papi! Daddy, help!"

"Sorry, buddy, daddy can't help you… because I'm Daddy Tickle Monster!" John tickled Philip while I held his kicking feet.

"I. Can't. Breathe!" Philip gasped between giggles.

We let him up and he spun sideways, his head on John's hip, legs kicked over my hip.

"See, there's no way to all fit in the double upstairs." I pointed out.

This went over Philip's head and he looked at us very seriously, "guys, aunt Patsy is making… wait for it… pancakes!"

"Oh, my God! No way?" John grabbed Philip in mock shock.

Philip never lost his composure, "yes, way, daddy, I would not lie to you."

"If I know anything about your aunt Patsy, does that mean there's chocolate chips involved?"

Philip's eyes became saucers and he looked between us wide eyed.

"Better go find out, hijo. Daddy and I will be right there."

Philip bounded out of bed, granting bladder a swift kick as he did so.

"You ready to get up?" John asked.

I stretched and found my glasses on the side table, "I suppose so."

John squeezed me again, "I love you, babe."

"I love you, querido. I'm so glad you two had a great time."

I pulled myself out of the sofa bed and padded to the bathroom. Upstairs I found Philip sitting eagerly at the breakfast bar on his knees, leaning over the counter, fork in his hand while Martha attended the griddle.

"Are you being patient, hijo?" I asked him.

"Papi, this is not the time to be patient. This is the time for pancakes."

"It can be both." I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Morning, Alex, fresh pot of coffee for you." Martha added another pancake to the stack.

"You're the greatest." I retrieved a mug and poured myself a cup of coffee.

Philip continued to wait for his breakfast, "hijo, sit properly, please, no busted heads on vacation please."

He giggled, "I won't bust my head, papi, I'm being super super careful."

John walked into the kitchen and started setting the table, "Pip, what did papi just ask you?"

"To sit like I'm 'posed to." He groaned and pulled his legs out from under himself.

"Thank you," John and I said in stereo.

I nursed my coffee and sat on the barstool next to Philip who leaned his head on me.

"Look, papi, my fork is a motorcycle." He zoomed his fork over the counter.

"Pretty cool, Pip."

"So, where are the boys again?" John asked.

"Jem's out… doing the Jem thing, he's on some fishing trip. Harry's at that, what's it called, the video game conference?"

"E3." Polly reminded her, walking into the kitchen with Ellie.

"Yeah, that one. He might get back before you guys leave, though."

"Uncle Jem is fishing? ...Like a bear?" Philip looked horrified.

I chuckled, "not quite, he's probably out with some friends in a cabin or tent spending days out fishing, like with poles."

Philip screwed up his face, "why?"

"He thinks it's fun."

"That does not sound like fun."

.

"Your daddy used to go fishing."

"What?" he dropped his fork with a clatter.

"Yup, sure did." John agreed.

"Show him the picture!" I laughed.

Heat coloured John's cheeks, "after breakfast."

"Come on," I pushed him.

"Alright, alright." He retreated and returned with his scrapbook and flipped it to my favourite picture of him and Lafayette from their teen years, out fishing.

He showed it to Philip, who covered his face, giggling, "daddy, that's really you?"

"Sure is. You know who that is?" he pointed to Lafayette in the picture.

Philip studied it for a moment and gasped, "uncle Laf!"

John nodded, "sure is,"

"And that's a dead fish." Philip pointed at the fish in the picture."

"That's true, too."

"Alright, guys, pancake time." Martha brought the plate stacked high with pancakes to the table and Philip eagerly took his seat next to Ellie.

John helped Philip make his plate, a pancake, some cut up fruit, a scoop of scrambled eggs.

"You want syrup?" John asked him.

"Yeah, yeah, lots of syrup." Philip licked his lips.

John poured an acceptable amount of syrup onto the pancake and Philip complained about not having enough.

"We'll get you more if you need it."

We tucked in to breakfast, and Philip poked his fruit with his fork and took a bite, "es un guineo, une banane," he stabbed his orange, "mi china, l'orange."

Ellie watched Philip as he picked up a strawberry, "mi stróbery, ma fraise, mmm, mmm."

Martha shook her head, "he's so smart."

"That's all Alex." John smiled at me.

"What are you talking about?" Ellie poked her own fruit with a fork.

"It's what them fruits is called." Philip told her.

"'What those fruits are called,' hijo." I corrected his grammar.

"But this is a banana." Ellie pointed out.

"Not in Spanish and French."

"I don't know those."

"I feel bad not teaching her Spanish, mine's just so bad." Martha sighed.

"Oh, God, mine's awful," John agreed, "Alex can learn any language, though, and he just speaks it like it's no problem."

I looked pointedly at my own pancakes, feeling heat rise in my cheeks.

"Mama, what are we gonna do today with uncle Jack, and Pip, and uncle Alex?"

"Maybe we should go to the beach?" Martha acted like the plans we'd already made were a surprise.

"Yeah! Yeah!" the kids chanted in unison.

"Can we, can we go?" Philip cheered.

"Finish breakfast." John encouraged.

Philip started to shovel in his pancakes.

"Slowly, calm down, hijo."

"I'm just excited, I've never been in the Pacific Ocean!"

"This is still the Atlantic, baby. Pacific is California." John clarified.

"Same one we have at home." I added.

"Oh, but I've never been to this beach." He said around a mouthful of pancake.

"That's true, but please don't talk with your mouth full." I rubbed his back.

"Mama, have I been to this beach before?" Ellie asked.

"Yes, baby." Martha answered her daughter.

"Alright, guys, eat up." I told the kids.

We cleared the plates and went to our respective quarters of the house to start the production of getting everyone ready.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so glad you guys enjoyed the first chapter of this installment, thank you so much for the love! I love kid Pip. He's really something. Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up, this weekend was jam packed with craziness and I had 0 downtime/alone time and this isn't necessarily what I want peeps over my shoulder reading. Hamilton was incredible, totally reinvigorating and inspiring, I noticed things I never noticed before, I just rolled into town about an hour ago, so at least 1,500 of these words were written on my phone. Expect better grammar on future chapters. ;) Can't wait to hear your thoughts!**

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"Do we get to ride in the car?" Philip asked, dancing in the living room in his swim trunks.

"Sure do." John grinned.

"Cause there's no trains in South Carolina." He sang, still dancing.

"That's right." I ran the mental checklist to make sure we had everything.

"Is daddy gonna drive us?"

"Yup." John made for the garage.

"'Cause papi doesn't know how?"

"Don't need to know how, I've lived in New York for a long, long time." I picked up our beach bag.

"Before that you lived in P'erto Rico! Where they speak Spanish! So that's why I know Spanish."

"Come on, Pip." John called, ending the conversation about my heritage, shooting me a sympathetic glance.

We got in the car, Philip buckled himself into his seatbelt in his booster seat. I tossed the bags in beside Philip and took my seat next to John.

"Papi, is this a really nice car?" Philip asked.

"Yeah, petit lion, it's a super nice car."

"Cool! Can we call uncle Laf and tell him that we're going to the beach?"

"Uh… I guess?" I video dialed Lafayette and handed the phone back to Philip.

"I just miss him… and Herc, and Eliza, and Thea!" he rattled names off while the phone rang.

"Bonjour!" Lafayette answered.

"Bonjour, mon oncle! Nous allons a la plage!"

"What! You're off to the beach? Who all is going, mon petit?"

"Me and daddy, and papi, and aunt Patsy and Ellie, and aunt Polly."

"That will be fun!"

"And guess what? Hi Herc! Guess what?"

Hercules muttered a hello that got lost in Philip's verbal onslaught.

"What?" Lafayette and Hercules asked in unison.

"Aunt Patsy made chocolate chip pancakes!"

"Whoa!" Hercules boomed.

"They were not as good as my crepes with nutella, no?" Lafayette asked him.

John reached over the center console and took my hand. We shared a smile about our boy, _our lives._

"Um, well pancakes are like... fluffier than crepes, but you put on way _way_ more nutella, aunt Patsy only put like… probably four chocolate chips in. And sometimes you add bananas!"

"Phew, I would not want to be dethroned."

"Alright, Pip, let's give uncle Laf and Herc their lives back." I threaded my hand back through the seats to retrieve my phone.

"Au revoir, mon oncles!" Philip handed me the phone as they called out their goodbyes.

"Hey, Laf." I held the phone so that John was in the picture, too.

"Having fun?" Lafayette asked, Hercules already gone again.

"It's great. I'm sure someone will have lots to tell you." John laughed.

"Alright, we'll see you in a few days." I smiled.

"Goodbye, loves!" Lafayette waved, the gold band on his ring finger glinted in the light.

"Bye, Laf! I love you!" Philip shouted from the backseat.

I hung up the phone and replaced mine and John's tactile connection, reaching a hand over to rest on his thigh. He picked my hand up and kissed my knuckles before setting it back on his leg.

He leaned over and whispered, "I love you."

I smiled and mouthed the words back.

"Are you guys talking about me?" Philip asked.

"No, baby," John laughed, "I was just telling your papi how much I love him."

"Yeah, you love each other so much that it made me happen."

I smiled out the window, content with everything, and watched the world rush by - a little too quickly as John inched the speedometer forward even more.

The ride to the beach was about an hour, we got out and Philip stretched, "wouldn't it be cool if you got to get out and get a different car halfway through? Like how we switch trains on long rides to places at home? We were in the car for a million zillion years!"

"That would be silly." John said, not really paying attention.

Philip was back to dancing and spinning on the gravel parking lot, Martha pulled up next to us.

"Hijo, stay by the car." I called, grabbing our bags from the back seat.

"Sorry, papi."

Ellie got out of her car and hurried over to us. She and Philip started to make up a story and act it out.

"Alright, guys, let's boogie." John waved the kids on and took my hand.

Martha followed with a wagon filled with the cooler and beach stuff, Polly behind her, holding the umbrella.

"Here, Pats, I got it." John took the handle of the wagon from her and broke apart from me.

Philip ran to hold my hand and swung our arms. The length of the beach stretched on, eventually we found a place to stake our claim. Martha threw towels out of the wagon, John smoothed them out while I rooted in our bag, finding the sunscreen. I sat on one of the towels.

"Alright, jincho, let's sunscreen you up so you don't burn." I squirted the sunscreen in my hand.

Philip stood in front of me and stuck his arms out.

"Shirt off," John nudged him, helping Martha get settled.

Philip shucked his shirt, I started to rub sunscreen on him.

"I don't like this, it smells weird."

"Bummer," I slathered his back, "turn around, Pip."

"Not my face, papi, please! I don't like it on my face."

"Baby, you need it on your face. Your cheeks are the first place to burn." John told him, pulling his own shirt over his head.

Philip screwed up his face, shutting his eyes and bouncing on his toes, "calm down, Pip." I held his chin and smoothed sunscreen on his cheeks.

"Are you done?" he pleaded as I covered his chest.

"Alright, you're free to go. Stay close, we aren't getting in the water just yet."

"'Kay, papi!" he ran to the water's edge and crouched at the edge.

"Help?" John sat in front of me and I squirted more sunscreen into my palm.

I moved John's hair to the side and placed a quick - but effective - kiss to the sensual spot where his neck met his shoulder. He shivered almost imperceptibly as I rubbed sunscreen into his back.

"Beaches always makes me think of our honeymoon." He whispered.

"You got so burnt." I laughed.

"I peeled for weeks."

"You were still peeling when we brought Philip home."

"I can't believe how quickly we got him."

"It was all meant to be."

"C'mon! I wanna go! Let's go!" Philip grabbed our hands.

"You swimming, babe?" John asked me.

I swallowed hard and nodded.

"Hey, I want you _right_ by one of us or aunt Polly or Patsy, okay? Ocean swimming is different than the pool." I told Philip as sped ahead.

"He's okay." John soothed, rubbing circles on the back of my hand.

"I know, papi! We go to the beach at home!"

Ellie splashed in the shallow water while Martha and Polly followed. Philip was jumping up and down in ankle high water.

Philip crawled into deeper water, I hurried John and I along to keep pace with him.

"Ooh, it's kind of deep," he splashed in the waist high water, "Ellie, get in!"

"No, I'm looking for shells." She wandered along the beach with Polly and Martha.

John waded out until the water reached his chest, "swim over to me, Pip."

Philip doggy paddled to John, who embraced him, they waded deeper, John slung him around to his back and swam, treading water, holding them both up. I waded deeper, breathing through my anxiety.

I saw John mouth, 'you okay?'

I nodded, eyes trained on Philip as I closed the gap between us.

"Papi, isn't daddy the best swimmer?"

"He's a great swimmer."

Philip doggy paddled to me and clung to my neck.

"Hi, papi." He kissed my cheek with salty, wet lips.

"Hi, hijo." I brushed his wet curls away from his face.

"Can I swim by myself?"

I considered it and John spoke up, "if you're careful."

"I will be!" he kicked off on my stomach, knocking the wind out of me, John flashed me a grin and swam ashore to play with Ellie.

"Far enough, come back, Pip!" I waved him over to me.

He kept swimming.

"Pip! Come back, hijo." He caught sight of my waving and swam towards me.

"Sorry I got too far. It's fun to swim fast."

"I know, just be careful. Let's go play on the beach."

He swam back to the shore and I followed him, squeezing out my hair. I went to sit on our towels and John followed me over.

"Doing okay?" he asked.

"I'm okay, he's so fast. Why did we teach him to be so fast?"

John giggled, sitting beside me, "the stronger a swimmer he is, the safer he is."

"I know, but, goddamn." I leaned against his salt-sticky body and relaxed, watching Philip and the three ladies play in the sand.

John kissed me, slow and chaste, but enough to stir something in me. I cupped his jaw and kissed him back deeper.

"Almost wish it was just us." He sighed.

"No, you don't. You couldn't handle what I'd do to you." I whispered in his ear.

"That so? 'Cause I was thinking about all the things I'd do to you."

Though I'd blame it on my wet body in the breeze, I shivered against him, he noticed and grinned at me, "shut up," I grumbled.

"No, admit it, you thought that was sexy."

"John, I think everything you do is sexy." I tucked wet strands of hair behind his ear.

"I'm gonna go play with our boy." He pecked my lips and I found my glasses and book and cozied into the sun warmed towels.

After a while Philip came up from the shore and peered over my book to see what I was reading, little droplets of water darkened the pages to a translucent pulp. He came around my side and lie his warm little body down on my back, wrapping his arms around my neck. I lifted a hand from the pages to cover both of his hands where they laced at my throat and kept reading. His chin dug into my shoulder.

"Are you reading a grown up book, papi?"

"Yup," I turned a page.

"Why?"

"Because I'm a grown up."

"Would I like your book?"

"Maybe when you're bigger."

"Papi, do you like the beach?"

"Sometimes."

"Did you go to the beach when you lived in P'erto Rico?"

"All the time. Almost every day."

"There's lots of beaches there, 'cause it's an island."

"That's true."

"Do you not like the beach 'cause it reminds you about P'erto Rico and you live in New York City now?"

"Kind of."

"Is that why _daddy_ always takes me to Riis beach?"

"Sometimes."

"'Cause you don't like the beach, 'cause you don't like to get your face wet? 'Member how when I was little I didn't like to get my face wet and I would cry a lot if my face did got wet?"

I turned the page and squeezed his little hands, "'get,' and, yup."

"But you don't cry when you get your face wet, you just sometimes look kind of scared."

"Mhm."

"Daddy gets his face wet and _he_ doesn't mind... but daddy cries more than you."

"You gonna go play, Pip?"

"Wanna play with _you_ , papi. Can we swim together?"

"Yup, just a minute." I scanned to the bottom of the page, dogeared it and got up with him.

We strolled hand in hand to the water's edge and splashed in until it was chest high on me.

"Watch this," he took a big breath and bobbed under the water and resurfaced, "I'm big enough I don't even have to hold my nose." He licked around his mouth.

"Look at you go, buddy."

"I like how salty I taste."

"Stop licking yourself." I shook my head.

"But I taste-" a wave crashed over him, hurtling hard enough that I had to windmill my arms through the water to stay upright, _Philip,_ I reached out and grabbed him, hoisting him on to my hip. _He's safe, I have him. I have him. Safe._

My baby coughed and spluttered, wiping his hair away from his face, rubbing the ribbons of snot away from his nose, I carried him to the shore and beached us. John came to my side and we sat near the ladies and Ellie's sand castle. Polly and Martha gave me concerned looks that I couldn't respond to.

"He okay?" John asked. I nodded, gripping my boy tightly, John snaked his arm around my back, Philip between us and whispered to me, "are you?"

I nodded again, eyes trained on Philip, who coughed once more, "blegh, sometimes the ocean is kind of mean."

"Sometimes it is, hijo, sometimes it is," I rocked him on the sand, trying to comfort myself more than him.

"That kind of scared me a little bit." He wiped his face with the backs of his hands.

Before I could say anything, John spoke up, "nothing to be scared of, come here, Pip. Let's go back in, tough stuff."

Philip took John's hand and led him back into the water. I took a deep breath to steady myself.

"You wanna help me with my sand castle, uncle Alex?" Ellie asked.

I slowly broke my gaze from Philip and John, "...uh… sure…"

I helped her overturn sand filled buckets, stacking her castle taller, glancing regularly over my shoulder at everything that was my whole world, _daring the sea to fucking try something._

We all played on the beach for the rest of the day, eating lunch from a cooler. The kids swam to their heart's content and took turns burying each other… and John in the sand with help from Polly.

We walked back to our vehicles, Philip's feet dragging in the sand, he held John's hand, "daddy can you carry me?"

"Of course, baby." He picked our boy up.

I watched Philip's hands run across John's back, "daddy, you're the strongest man in the whole wide world. Nothing ever could hurt you."

I smiled, feeling the same way.

We got in the car and Philip was asleep - snack pack of cookies and a juice box in hand - before we even hit the highway.

"Pretty good day." John grinned.

"Pretty good day." I agreed.

We talked in the dark on the ride back to the estate house, enjoying the little bit of alone time, a commodity on vacation, Philip slumped over in the backseat. Once we got home, I took our beach bag and towels, John carried Philip inside.

"Wake up, baby, you need to take a quick shower, Mr. Sandy-Head." John rubbed Philip's back.

"Mm-mm." He shook his head, curls more alive and springy than ever from the seawater, just like John's.

"Come on, baby," he set Philip down and smiled as our boy leaned against him, "you got shower duty, I'll get jammies and teeth?" John asked me.

"Deal," I went into the bathroom and turned the shower on, getting it warm enough.

Philip drug his feet and followed me into the bathroom, he stripped and I helped him into the shower, sitting on the toilet while he washed himself, I listened to him hum a song, brand new and soon to be forgotten.

"Papi, need help with my hair."

"Yup." I stood up and went to the end of the shower away from the water and pulled the curtain back and washed his hair, strawberries filled the steamy room.

"My hair's so clean. Clean, clean, clean, 'cause my papi helps me." He wiggled as he sang.

I smirked at him, "how'd you get so much sand in your hair?"

"Uh, from playing, papi." He was exasperated with my obviously stupid question.

"Rinse." I pointed at the showerhead.

He rinsed his hair and kicked his feet, splashing.

"Okay, Pip, come back, conditioner."

"But, I'm tired!" He whined.

"I know, so come here and let's hurry." I mocked his whine.

He trudged back toward me and let me smooth conditioner into his hair. I helped him rinse and wrapped him in a towel, "go find your daddy and get pjs."

"Cold. Cold!" He penguin waddled out of the bathroom in his towel, hair leaving a drippy trail behind him.

I showered and went upstairs to get dressed and found John reading to Philip - towel turban on his head - in the bed in John's childhood bedroom turned guest room. I sat on the edge of the bed and freed Philip's hair from the towel and worked cream into it before combing the snags free. I hushed his complaints and John continued to read the story. I braided his wet hair back and curled up behind John, giving him a braid to match, saving us all a half hour in the morning. John closed the book with a 'the end.'

"You sleeping up here?" I asked Philip who was now laying down between us.

"With my daddy," he nodded, "'cause he wasn't here last night."

"That's true."

Philip gave me a big hug, "te amo, love you, love you lots."

"Te amo, love you, love you para siempre."

I leaned over him and kissed John, "love you, amante."

"I love you, babe." He squeezed my hand and I went to bed alone downstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Since y'all like other characters... and smut. I do listen to your reviews! That's part of why I love to read what you have to say. Shadow, thank you so much for your continued support! Can't wait to see what you guys think of this chapter. You're all the best!**

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"Papi, wake up!" Philip poked me.

I stirred and opened an eye, wiping drool off my face.

"Papi! Wake up." he said again.

"Morning, hijo."

"Hi, papi, we're going to the 'quarium today!"

"'Aquarium? Okay, okay." I sat up, putting my feet on the floor, cracking my neck.

"Not just a 'quarium! _The_ 'quarium!" His eyes were saucers, he bounced up and down, radiating excitement.

"No, hijo, the word is 'aquarium' like, 'aqua,' water."

"Okay, the _aquarium._ But, daddy told me that they save sea turtles there and we might maybe get to see them, some of them might not have an arm!"

"Wow, we'll have to check it out. Let's go see if there's coffee."

"There is, aunt Patsy told me to tell you so."

"I love your aunt Patsy." I sighed, finding the will to stand up, wishing that Philip took breaths between verbal assaults.

John handed me a cup of coffee at the top of the stairs and kissed me good morning.

"How'd you guys sleep?" I asked him, watching Philip work his way through a bowl of cheerios with banana slices.

"Great until about four."

"What happened?"

"Just woke up and wanted to talk,"

"About what?"

"Does it even matter with that kid? He said we needed to make enough noise to keep the monsters away, told me that monsters can't live in New York because it's too bright and noisy there, but here it's dark and quiet at night so the monsters come out. I snuggled him and gave him my phone to play on."

"He complained about the quiet last night, too, I ended up finding a city noise app on my phone."

"God, you're brilliant. Let me kiss that brilliant mind." He kissed my temple.

I made a face at him and gulped a too-hot drink of coffee.

"Is Polly coming along?" I asked.

"Nope, she's with her boyfriend today, sure want to get to know that kid more, feel him out." I don't think John realized he was cracking his knuckles, eyes sharp and distant.

"Easy, killer." I played with the hem of his pajama shirt.

"What?" He smirked at me.

"Always gunning."

"Hey, some of us don't have words to fight with."

The kids finished their breakfast and I choked down a banana and got ready before going to our respective vehicles. John drove us to the aquarium, almost as excited as Philip.

"You're ridiculous." I smirked at him, watching how his eyes lit up in the rearview mirror as he'd glance into the reflection at Philip in the backseat prattling on facts about octopus or sea turtles or rays.

"Shh, he's talking," John whispered to me before splitting his attention back to Philip and the road, "got himself out of the jar? That's right, I remember that video, that octopus is smart like you!"

John and the kids were far more enthralled at the aquarium than Martha or I were. We sat on a bench, sharks and other marine life swimming overhead. John, flanked by a child on either side, mirrored the poses of the children, face as close to the glass as possible, leaning down to teach the kids facts.

"You doing alright?" I asked Martha, noting how tired she'd looked during the duration of our trip.

"I'm okay… I guess…" she watched a school of fish meander by.

"Okay." I was never one to pry.

She sighed heavily, "I think David's having an affair."

"Oh, shit." I kept my eyes trained on John and the kids.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bogging you down with this on your vacation."

"No, no, it's fine. Have you… Have you told John yet?"

"No, there's no reason to work him up when it's all speculation."

I nodded, "I won't say anything, that's your business."

"Thanks, Alexander."

The secret weighed on me, Martha was a wonderful person, she didn't deserve that… neither did Ellie. John and the kids moved on to go and touch stingrays. I swallowed down the crushing thought of being encased in water on every side and took a deep breath.

"You can… talk, though… if you want to."

She sighed and nodded, "I just don't want my kid to go through that, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

"I mean, David has always been a workaholic, always, I thought it was just because he's a doctor, but… I don't know, maybe it's better, El's used to only seeing him every few days, she probably wouldn't even notice," she sniffed and let out a gasping chuckle, "God, I'm sorry, I didn't meant to put all of this on you. Are you and John doing okay?"

I smiled despite myself, catching John's reflection thrown from the curved glass, _so beautiful._

"We're better than ever… I'm better than ever."

"Good, that's good. I only want happiness for my little brother. I'm so grateful he found you. I never could have hoped he'd have so much goodness in his life. I've done okay, y'know?" her southern drawl sounded thick in her throat, she blew out a breath, "done alright by the kids after… after our mom died. I'm still hopeful for Jem, but, hey, even four out of five ain't bad."

"You did more for them than you ever should have had to."

"So did John," she leaned back against the glass, "he kept us all safe. I can't even imagine what it would have been like without him, God, especially poor Harry. Dad had such high hopes for Harry, not that he didn't turn out to be a great man, but dad wouldn't have seen him as successful. Jackie was the buffer. He was the strong one."

A shark swam against the glass in front of Philip and John swooped down to tickle Philip who squealed in fear and then delight.

"I guess that's just his lot in life." I picked at my jeans.

"What do you mean?"

I shook my head, "he's the strong one for us, too."

She smiled at me, "I don't know, Alexander, you're pretty strong, too. I think you just don't give yourself enough credit is all."

The kids were finally sufficiently worn out. We went back to the house and found Harry in the living room on the sofa, his suitcase in the middle of the floor.

"Uncle Harry!" Philip launched himself onto his uncle who received him with open arms.

"What's good, my dude?"

"Are we gonna play Super Smash?" Philip pulled Harry's beanie off and put it on his head with a grin.

"Baby, chill out, I'm sure you can torture Uncle Harry at some point." John laughed.

Harry scooted Philip off of his lap and stood up to embrace his brother, "hey, Jackie."

"How are you? How was E3?"

"It was wild, Xbox is about to do some crazy shit, er, uh, stuff, but past that and a panel I had, I wanted to get home and see my best dude." He crouched down and pretended to punch Philip in the arm.

Martha made dinner for everyone and Philip suckered Harry into playing video games with him, getting flustered at losing.

After dinner Harry grinned at John, "you still running, old man?"

"Heck yeah." John smirked, a glint in his eye.

"You up for it?"

"To put my little bro in place, you bet."

"Can I come?" Philip stood up, ready to go.

"No, hijo. You're gonna need to go to bed before too long, it's a big people run. Tomorrow you can run around in the backyard."

"But, papi!"

"No, buts, what did papi say?" John shot him a look.

Philip crossed his arms and glowered at me.

"Fix your attitude or no bedtime books." I countered.

"Don't take my books away, papi." He pleaded.

"Then straighten up."

He unfolded his arms and pouted at me. John and Harry went upstairs to get changed. Philip cleared his plate and went to watch a movie with Ellie. I loaded the dishwasher for Martha. John - now in basketball shorts and a tank top - kissed me goodbye, I ducked under the bill of his baseball cap to peck his lips.

"Have fun, love you." I kissed him again.

John turned his attention to Philip, "alright, kid, you should be in bed when I get back. Sleeping with me or papi tonight?"

"With papi," he hugged John's legs, "te amo, love you, love you lots."

John ruffled his hair, "te amo, love you, love you more."

Harry slammed the screen door between him and John, "no fair!" John shouted, bolting out after his little brother.

Philip was asleep when I heard the door open and John and Harry's muted laughter from upstairs, I was scrolling Twitter, my phone playing sounds of the The City. I heard the pipes groan and assumed John was taking a shower. Philip snuggled into my side closer and snored softly. I stroked his cheek, admiring him as he slept. I caught up on my Twitter feed, reading an article here and there. My phone buzzed, interrupting my Twitter fugue.

 **you still up?**

I texted John back.

 **Yup. Did you guys have a good time?**

 **Great time! Im old now can barely keep up with that kid. Pip sleeping?**

 **Yeah, he's curled up with me down here. He passed the fuck out after a few minutes.**

 **can you sneak away? I want you**

 **On it.**

I ran my lip between my teeth, and left my phone, and with it the sounds of taxis and trains and dogs and steam and slid out of the pullout bed. I crept up the stairs and then up the next flight, the house was dark and quiet, all tenants in their bedrooms, some of them sleeping. I snuck into John's room and found him showered and splayed out on his bed in just his boxer briefs.

"Hey." I smirked.

"Hey." He grinned.

I crawled onto the bed and straddled him, only then realizing how glassy and red his eyes were and how dopey his grin. He moved heavy joints and dropped his hand against my chest and stomach, gravity pulling it to my thigh.

"You're totally high right now aren't you?"

He giggled, "blame my brother, he's a bad influence."

"You're the older one."

He stared at me, searching for an argument as he ran his tongue over his dry lips, "so?"

"So you can't blame him for influencing you, but goddamn, you're cute when you're high."

"I know you think so." He let his eyes flutter shut and held his arms out toward me.

I lie over him and kissed his throat, growling against the sensitive flesh there, "so naughty, too."

"Wanna love you." He flipped us.

"Oh, yeah, you gonna fuck me, John?"

"Really want to."

"You don't want me to fuck you? Take care of you?"

He shook his head and bit his lip, "no, I want to feel you."

"Is that so?"

He nodded and tugged at my clothes, I stripped naked for him and he sighed, eyes taking me in, "look at you."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes.

He sat up and started to kiss his way across my chest, "no, really, look at you. So sexy, so wonderful. Make my dreams come true, Alex." I watched as his long lashes fluttered shut.

He sank his teeth into my shoulder and I groaned, feeling my cock grow hard.

"Dammit, John." I writhed into him.

"Oh, God, you feel good." I watched his underwear tent.

"Fuck me, John." I gripped his hips.

"You want me, babe?"

"I fucking want you so bad."

He stripped out of his underwear, I noticed the pre darkening the front of the fabric and bit my lip hard. I reached out and stroked him, he threw his head back and shuddered, his clouded mind making him struggle to stay on task.

"Alex." He panted.

"Still want to fuck me?"

He nodded and hitched my leg up and slicked himself and my entrance with lube I didn't see him retrieve. I was pensive, always taking longer to accept resignation than he did.

"Shh, settle." He leaned against my knee, working open the tight ring of muscle.

I kept my eyes open and trained on him, he rubbed my thigh, he nicked my prostate with his long fingers and my back arched off the bed. He spread his fingers, the burn was erotic and beautiful, the sensation glowed in me. He ducked down, tracing his tongue over my balls, I moaned as he tongue moved closer toward his fingers.

"John." I keened as his tongue worked with his hands, the drugs in his system making it easier for him to focus solely on his task at hand, his tongue swirled a figure eight around his fingers, a shudder grew in my belly and bloomed into my limbs.

"John. John. Fuck. Just fucking fuck me."

He sucked at the tender pucker of flesh and slid his fingers free, I groaned.

"I'm gonna make you come, feel you all hot and sticky, gonna come in you so hard, babe, you like that?" He lubed his engorged cock.

"Oh, yeah, John, fucking make me come, want you to make me."

He lined himself up between my legs and pressed his cock into my waiting entrance, stretched and ready for him, _all for him._ I held my thighs open and hissed at the intrusion.

"God, Alex, you are so tight for me, babe. Feels so good, just like the first time you let me have you."

I threw my head back, hands moving from my thighs, starting to bead with sweat and finding purchase against the sheets. John, his elbows on either side of my face, kissed me hard, desperately, tongue scrambling to investigate my mouth, his hips settled into a rhythm, grinding hard and deep, but so painfully slow. I seethed every time his hips anchored against mine, his length buried hard inside me.

"Fucking hell, John," I keened, "destroy me."

He sped up just so and I took his hand, moving it to fist in my hair, he pulled at the locks, his eyes mostly whites.

I shut my eyes to just focus on feeling his movements, felt every inch of him pressing in, his thick head adding delightful stimulation each time that he rolled his hips back before slamming into me. My hands reached for his hair and gripped desperately for something to connect me to this plane of consciousness.

"Alexander, baby, God, love you. Love you so much." He held me tight around my shoulders, hips stuttering, I felt his movements hiccup and he whimpered, his tell.

He shot off, hot and wet, filling me, slingshotting my own orgasm that welled in my belly before echoing through the rest of my body, he was so tender, smoothing back my hair, looking into my eyes.

John folded himself over me as I shivered in my afterglow, we cleaned up and held each other. He held me, still not done caring for me. I nuzzled against his chest and he ran his hand over my arm.

"I…" I squeezed him tighter, nose filling with the fruity musk of his afterglow, "I need to go be with the baby…. If he wakes up and I'm not there…"

"Just stay a minute with me." John pleaded.

Sleep flirted at the edges of my consciousness, "no, I need to be with the baby."

"Alright, I know. You're such a good papi to our boy."

I smiled at him, dressing myself, "he's got a good daddy, too."

"I had fun with you."

"Me, too. Good night, querido."


	4. Chapter 4

**This story is writing itself at this point. Enjoy the good while it lasts, the angst storm is brewing, it'll be here soon. Thank you so much for the continued support, I look forward to your feedback each time. My readers help to shape and craft this story - this world, thank you for being here.**

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"Good to be home." John stared up at our brownstone, balancing our sleeping boy in his arms in front of him and his backpack strapped to his back.

I negotiated the two monstrous suitcases we'd brought.

"Sure is." We climbed the stoop.

Once we were inside, I worked deftly to free John of his backpack, and worked Philip's own backpack off his sleeping frame before untying and pulling off his shoes. He stretched and nuzzled tighter into John, his breath blowing John's hair, never waking up.

"Gonna go put him to bed."

I nodded and kicked my shoes off by the door and slunk through the narrow hallway to the kitchen to start a fresh pot of coffee, yawning, I ran my hand through my hair, pulling loose my ponytail. John came back down the creaking staircase and found me. He wrapped his arms around me, his chin resting on the top of my head.

"Did he go down okay?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah. We won't hear another thing from him."

The coffee maker beeped and John shuffled around to the side of me, pulling down a mug and pouring fresh coffee, the aroma filled the kitchen and he handed the steaming mug to me and stretched, yawning. I smiled my gratitude at him.

"Let's go to bed, querido."

We mounted the stairs and climbed to the second floor, feeling our way through our familiar home in the dark. I stripped down to my tank top and underwear and sat on the edge of the bed drinking my coffee. John lie down beside me and I set my mug on the bedside table with my glasses and moved to curl up with him. His hands fumbled for me in the dark and he wrapped himself around me, fingers sweeping over my cheek, he fitted me into the hollow of his bare chest.

"I missed this." He sighed.

"I did, too. You kick me in the ribs way less in bed, too."

He breathed a laugh, I felt his grin against my forehead, "that might be true. How did we get so lucky?"

"All you."

"I don't know about that."

I fell asleep hard, sleeping better than I had in a week, between being near John and the organic sounds of the city outside. When I woke up, I was still in John's arms, he'd clung tightly to me all night. I slipped away and retrieved my glasses and coffee, pulling a hoodie off the hook behind the door and pattered to my office down the hall, shutting Philip's door on the way. I settled at my desk, shrugging into my hoodie I slugged back cold coffee while my computer booted up. I made the sojourn downstairs wondering why I hadn't put a second coffee maker in my office, thinking about the electric kettle John kept on the third floor in his studio.

I slunk back down the hall with hot coffee and Philip heard me, "daddy! I'm awake."

I opened his door, "daddy's still sleeping. What's up, hijo?"

"Me." Philip threw off his blankets and stood on his bed.

"I suppose that's true, but, hey, no standing on your bed. Be nice to the furniture."

He jumped off his bed, the slam of his feet on the floor that boomed through the house was not entirely what I meant by 'be nice to the furniture,' and he ran over to hug my waist, I held my hot coffee out and worked to keep the contents in the mug as I ruffled his hair.

"Papi, are you working?"

"Yes, hijo."

He pouted, his eyebrows finding one another.

"Can I come work _with_ you?"

"Tell you what, there's a brief I need to read, you want some cuddles while I read it?"

He nodded excitedly and grabbed a throw blanket from his bed and a plastic dinosaur. I settled into my office chair and he crawled into my lap, wrapped in his blanket and started to walk his dinosaur up and down my arm. I picked up the brief and began to read.

"This isn't even a case." I grumbled.

"What's wrong, papi?" Philip looked up at me.

"What's wrong is that Burr doesn't know how to write a strong argument and probably wouldn't even know one if it hit him in the face." I was exasperated and clicked to open my word processor since I'd have to rewrite the damned thing.

"Burr? You're working another case with Thea's daddy?"

"Yup." I dialed Burr and held the phone between my cheek and shoulder.

"Ask when we can have another playdate!"

"Not right now, daddy can talk to miss Theodosia about that." The line rang and rang.

Burr's voice was thick with sleep when he answered, "Alexander, it's not yet seven."

I ignored this, "Burr, what the Hell am I supposed to do with this brief? Do you just one hundred percent want the client to lose? Is that it? This is the wishy-washiest piece of legal documentation I think I've ever seen." I started to type a decent brief.

"What? No… I… I thought that there was a strong argument for the client."

"Ha! A strong argument? Do you not appreciate just how close we are to this going to the Supreme Court? This is the shit that you write to make sure that we win before that happens? Seriously?"

"Alexander, sometimes you have to let the facts present their own argument, you don't have to beat everyone over the head with what you've contrived."

"Excuse me? Nevermind, I'm fixing it."

Philip stared at me and whispered, "ask about the playdate."

I shook my head and bit my lip, finding the cap of my pen and wedging it between my teeth.

"Of course you are. I'll let you take the lead on this one." He chuckled.

"Fine. I'll see you Tuesday."

"Yes. Tuesday."

I hung up the phone and took off my glasses, wiping my face, grumbling under my breath, "idiot."

"You didn't ask about the playdate." Philip whined.

"I told you to talk to daddy about that, I'm working, hijo."

I put my glasses back on and typed around Philip, stopping to examine what I'd written I held my pen cap between my first and middle finger. I continued to type, cap still between my fingers, ignoring the dinosaur walking up and down my arm. John was behind my chair suddenly, running his fingers through Philip's hair.

"This doesn't seem like a good way to get work done." He sensed my stress.

"Hi daddy! Papi's mad at Thea's daddy, he fought with him on the phone," Philip held up his dinosaur as the skull of Yorick to his Hamlet, "'this is gonna go to the 'upreme court! Bad word, bad word! Do you want us to lose?" He yelled at his dinosaur.

John shot me a glance that I shrugged off, retrieving the cap from between my teeth and putting it back on the pen, "not my fault that the guy can't argue his way out of a paper bag!"

"Alex…" John sighed, rubbing my shoulders.

"Daddy, I'm hungry." Philip groaned.

"Should we go hunt up some food? I don't think there's any groceries. Maybe we go have… bagels and then go to the store?" John quirked an eyebrow at Philip at the suggestion.

"Blueberry bagel? Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Philip licked his lips and bounded out of my lap, kicking my desk on his departure, spilling my coffee on my paperwork.

I made a noise of exasperation, and Philip hung his head, "sorry, papi."

"It's fine, hijo, have to watch out."

"Sometimes it would benefit us to _think_ before we react," John told Philip gently, but stared pointedly at me, "go get dressed, baby."

Philip bounced out of my office.

"I know, I know, set a good example, don't be an asshole." I anticipated the lecture.

"Why do you keep taking cases with him if you can't work together, it makes you miserable every time, Hell, it makes him miserable, it makes me and Theodosia miserable. Our kids are friends, we're friends, maybe don't work with the dude if you can't."

I mopped at the wet, coffee stained pages of my caseload with a tissue, " _I_ can, he's the one with the fucking problem, he's completely incompetent in the courtroom. I didn't fight my way through law school just to be chained to his middle of the road bullshit."

"Alex, my love," he giggled and looked at my computer screen, seeing the nearly completed brief, "you need to find your chill, come to breakfast with us, there's no food in the house, then you can hit it hard with a clear head. How does that sound?"

I thought about what I still needed to accomplish after a week on vacation, this case was dangerously close to going to the state level, I had to stop that, keep things small, get them settled, Burr certainly wasn't going to do that, mentioning on several occasions that the supreme court would offer new perspectives, I didn't want a new perspective, I was _so_ close to swaying these perspectives, but I was ahead of the curve, getting a little bit of work done during the week of vacation, we would be in recess for two more weeks, I could have a damned bagel with my kid.

"Alright, let's go."

John and I got dressed, he stole glances at me as I stepped into my jeans, I blushed against my will, all these years and still all it took was a flick of his lashes to stir me up. I bit my lip and watched him lace his shoes and loop his ponytail through his cap, it was hot in the city today.

Philip was waiting for us downstairs, hands on the handles of his scooter, helmet on and backpack strapped to his back, "I'm ready!"

"Look at you." John grinned.

I stepped into my shoes.

"Papi, you're coming with us?" Philip beamed.

"Just to breakfast." I smiled at his excitement to spend a little bit of time with me.

Philip happily ate his blueberry bagel and I worked on my second cup of coffee and my sandwich.

"Thanks for coming," John leaned against me and took a bite of his bagel.

"Daddy, can we get yogurt at the store?" Philip asked, licking cream cheese off his finger.

"Yup. Strawberry?"

Philip nodded, "mhm."

"You want anything specific?" John asked me.

I shrugged, "getting a little low on coffee."

"You got it."

We finished breakfast and Philip scooted off ahead of John who gave me a peck as we went our separate ways.

"Hold up, kid." John called after Philip.

I walked home and got started on work in earnest, actually able to focus in the quiet. John kept Philip occupied once they got home, I could hear them downstairs putting groceries away together. Philip knocked on my door.

"What's up?" I asked him, not looking away from the screen.

"Es para ti!"

"Huh? What's for me?" I looked away from the screen to see him brandishing a banana in both outstretched hands.

"A banana! We got lots of them at the store, and some cherries, too, y stróbery, and some other stuff."

"You did?" I hoisted him into my lap.

He nodded, eyes big and he thrust the banana at me.

"And let me guess, you want to share this with me?" i started to peel the fruit.

"Mhm!" He nodded again.

I broke it in two and handed him one of the pieces and took a bite of my piece.

"You're the best banana chooser, hijo."

He swung his legs, "yeah, I just pick the most yellowest ones!"

"Well, it seems like that works."

"Daddy said you're still working. So we're gonna go up to the studio and into the dark room. It's red in there, but you aren't supposed to touch anything unless daddy says." He took another bite, finishing his half.

"That's right. Pretty cool of your daddy."

"He's the best daddy ever," he kissed my cheek, "but don't worry, you're the best papi ever."

"Hey, take this for me and put it in the downstairs trash?" I handed him the banana peel.

"In Mario Kart these make the cars go _crash!"_ He spun in a circle and made explosion noises.

"Yup." I got back to work.

"One time I made uncle Harry have a banana peel! But then he knocked me out with a turtle shell! But there wasn't a real turtle, cause you have to help real turtles if they're on the road, daddy says sometimes in South Carolina turtles have to cross the road, but he gets out of the car, _and looks both ways_ , and then he moves them to where they can be safe."

I smiled, _John would do that._ Philip shut my door behind him and I listened to him plunk down each step in the creaky staircase.


	5. Chapter 5

**Super long whirlwind of a chapter. I've known this was coming longer than Philip's been around, but dang I was not prepared for it. The angst train has pulled into the station, please show the conductor your ticket, thank you so much for riding the Hurt/Comfort Express. I can't wait to hear what you have to say about the crazy. Love to you all for the constant support!**

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"They wanted me in Texas. I told them, 'it's happening here, too.' I can go to LaGuardia and show you where it's happening. I don't want to take pictures of this shit, I want to help, not just document it, taking pictures of people on their worst days. Pictures of screaming children. This isn't Nat Geo photographing lions take down antelope because it's nature. These families are being torn apart because of monsters, there's nothing natural about it." John seethed into his glass of wine.

"I'm glad you don't have to go to Texas. We're doing what we can, John. This pro bono case I've taken, I'm feeling pretty good about it, guy's been in the states for seventeen years. We're the helpers, John. Maybe someone will see your pictures and they'll see the humanity and maybe they'll be helpers, too." I sat behind him and pushed his hair aside, rubbing his shoulders. His anxiety gave me anxiety and I rolled my lip through my teeth, tearing at one of the scabs.

He sighed, "I guess so," and rolled his neck, leaning into my touch, "I don't know how you always manage to calm me down."

"I don't either, honestly, it's quit the fucking script flip for me."

"But you do. Every time. You take care of us. You know what we need."

We watched an episode of the Office for old time's sake, but I mostly watched him, connecting the freckles on his shoulders with my finger, almost certain that the path they created was a map to my heart. He was still moping, resentful and sad about being tasked with documenting the darkness in the country. We let the next episode to play on, he was still seated between my legs, wine glass now twice emptied on his bedside table. The wine had loosened his frown, but he was quiet, stuck in his head. _I know about stuck in your head_. I raked my hands over his shoulders and across his bare chest, just barely letting my nails find purchase. He shuddered and looked back at me.

"You want something?" He quirked his eyebrow at me, a grin pulling on his face, reshaping the frown he'd worn since he'd gotten home from work.

"Maybe," I smirked.

"Oh, yeah, what's that?"

"Just you. Your fine ass, you calling my name, splayed out in ecstacy."

"Well, damn, babe, with an argument like that…" his grin was so wide that his cheeks forced his eyes into slivers. _There it was, the real smile, the John smile,_ weight lifted off of me seeing it.

I shucked my shirt on the ground and shivered in the cold air, "fuck, it's getting cold fast, stay here." The last part was more of a command than I'd anticipated.

I crept down the hall to the thermostat and kicked the temperature up. Fall had made its presence known in the last week, the heat of summer resigning to cool September, Philip was back in school, _my first grader._ I shut his door on my way back to our bedroom.

John was waiting for me, naked, lazily stroking himself, his eyes still seemed far off.

"What a fucking sight." I leaned in the doorframe and watched him, he jumped, too far off to have sensed me before I spoke, a blush spreading across his cheeks.

"Don't act coy with me, John. You know exactly what you're doing… Question is, do you know what I'm going to do to you?"

He swallowed with an audible gulp that bobbed his Adam's Apple, "what?"

I stepped into our closet and retrieved one of his ties, a nice one, silky, and one of mine, thicker, solid black. I straddled him on the bed and pulled his hands away from my chest where they immediately started working, I worked quick knots around his wrists with his tie and threaded it through the rods of the headboard, trussing his arms over his head, the curves of his muscular body on display.

"You want to touch so badly, no, _mine_. I get to touch, but I want you wondering, fully in the moment, brain full of all the dirty possibilities of what I'm going to do to you. ." I tied my tie around his eyes.

"Alex." He whimpered, _fucking whimpered,_ the sound reverberated straight to my cock.

"You comfortable, loose enough?" I was by his face, whispering in his ear, dropping the act.

"I'm good." He flexed his hands, I watched his fingers want to touch me.

"None of that." I moved with lightning speed to his inner thighs and sucked the soft flesh there, his cock bobbed, seeking out friction.

"Alex." He keened again.

"Hush." I ordered and straightened my body out over him, I gripped both of our swollen cocks in my hand and stroked, the combination of my rough touch and the soft warmth of his member against me made my breath catch. He relaxed, his shoulder slumping from their position by his ears, hands delicately tucked into their bonds.

"Oh, oh, that feels so good, babe." His tongue flicked out, and even through the blindfold I could see his face changing into that perfect pout of his.

"Do you like that?"

He nodded, I pulled away from him and ran my thumb over his bottom lip, he chased me, turning his head to follow the movement. I held his jaw, keeping his mouth open and straddled him, sliding my cock into his mouth. He moaned around it.

"That's right, John. You look so fucking pretty. Jesus Christ." I reached out and held one of his hands, reaching behind me with the other hand to work him over.

John moaned around my cock and I pulled back. I slicked my fingers and started to work him open. He made the most perfect noises and relaxed against my touch, melting underneath me, finally, truly relaxing. I lubed my cock.

"Alex?" John was grinning, any sign of tenseness gone, replaced with anticipation.

"What is it, amante?"

"I want to see you… Wanna hold you."

I leaned over him and pulled the bow restraining his hands loose, he took off the blindfold and his hands found my hips. He gazed into my eyes - _into my soul, really_ \- as my cock slid home. I hitched his legs up higher, bending down to kiss him.

"Yes, oh Alexander. Feels good, mmm, God, yes. Look at you." He was talking a mile a minute, back arched, brows raised.

"So tight, so fucking good." I dug my nails into his chest.

His lips parted, with the splash of his hair on the pillows he looked angelic, "'Lex."

"So beautiful." I smoothed back his hair.

He clamped his hands on my hips, holding me still, and worked back and forth, gasping for air in quick, short bursts.

"Right there?" I asked him.

"Uhuh," he nodded and swallowed hard, his face twisting.

I pushed harder, giving him more friction to play off of, and just watched his face morph into pure pleasure as he did his thing, using my body the way that he wanted it, the way that made him feel good. He squealed and came between us. With him taken care of, I used him to please myself, short and quick strokes until I came as well. I slid out and flopped next to him. He cleaned himself up and got back into bed, his knee clicking as he moved.

"It's the weather change." I told him with my eyes closed, still panting, ears tuned in.

"Huh? Oh, yeah."

"My wrists have been a bowl of Rice fucking Krispies lately."

He clicked the lamps off and pulled me close, "I love you, thank you for always taking such good care of me. You always know how to fix me."

"Had to get you out of that pretty head." I rolled away from him and he reached out for me and pulled me across the bed and into his arms, like a human claw machine.

It was drizzling all day, the kind of crisp, grey day that insisted that Autumn was coming. I was still working when Philip and John got home.

I listened to the sounds of their after school routine, banging around in the kitchen to get Philip a snack. The heavy, trudging creak up the stairs was John. He appeared in the doorway, looking tired.

"Got a minute?" He asked.

I shuffled my papers aside and patted my desk, he sat on the edge facing me, legs on either side of my chair. I took off my glasses and rubbed my face before settling my hands on his thighs.

"Rough day, querido?"

"All damned day. Watched them fill up a whole plane full of people, some of them crying, shouting about family members that they couldn't find, loaded up like cattle."

"At least you're home, I wouldn't want you alone in some hotel room right now." His worn face made me feel protective, possessive.

"I know," he leaned into me and I stroked his back, "it's just unimaginable, I just, all day, I wanted to just go get Philip and hold him as tight as I can. All these broken families. I mean, can you imagine?"

I tucked hair behind his ear, "a little bit."

He slumped into me, "sorry, I didn't mean… I was just… you know, like…"

"Querido, it's fine. Go burn some of this shit off, why don't you go for a run? I think it's done raining. You always feel better after a run."

He nodded and sat up, "you don't mind?"

"Not at all, go take care of yourself, you've been worked up since last night."

A glint hit his eyes, "well, you helped with that some. Pip's good, he's watching some cartoons with a PB & J. Pestered me the whole way home about more piano lessons, though."

"I'm not even that good, but I'll see what I can do."

John took off his sport coat as he left my office. I heard him bounce down the stairs after getting dressed, his footfalls much more exuberant.

"Bye! Love you!" He called to us both.

Philip mumbled a goodbye, indisposed with whatever cartoon was on.

"Love you, be careful!" I yelled back and slipped my glasses on and kept working.

Philip came and got me, I didn't realize just how low the sun had gotten and felt a pang of guilt for not spending time with him, "when's daddy gonna be home?"

"Uh, I don't know." I looked away from my computer at Philip.

"'Cause it's been three episodes of Ninja Turtles. Usually he's only gone on runs for two episodes and I'm hungry. Should we call him?"

It _was_ odd that he was still gone, I decided that my anxiety was just anxiety, "no he had a hard day. I'm sure he just wanted to run a little farther than usual."

"Well, I'm still hungry."

"He'll be home soon, hijo. Go play. You just had a sandwich."

"Okay," he drug each syllable out, "when can we play piano?"

"I don't know, not right now."

I tried to work more, keep my mind busy, but my thoughts stayed on John. It wasn't like him to be gone so long. I was drumming my fingers on the desk and heard the front door slam, harder than he'd ever let it shut.

"Alex!" He called from the bottom of the stairs, his voice was off, strained.

I hurried out of my office, Philip met me in the hallway.

"Stay up here." I pushed him behind me by his chest.

"But-" he whined.

"Philip." I gave him a look and he retreated to his playroom.

John was at the foot of the stairs, leaning hard against the newel.

"Alex," he looked up at me, his face flush, hands in fists at his sides, I took the stairs as quickly as possible to close the distance to him.

"What's wrong?" I cupped his cheek, his hazel eyes were swimming.

I could hear Philip at the top of the stairs.

"I fucked up." John knit his brows together, his lips pulled into a grimace.

His language threw me, I'd heard John say 'fuck' maybe a half dozen times in the last seven years, "what did you do you, amante? What happened?"

His breathing was laboured, I looked at his fist and uncurled his fingers, blood and dirt caked the lines in his palm, little half moons were visible from how hard he'd dug in his nails to the soft flesh there.

He winced and licked his lips, "I… I… uh, there were some wet… uh, the leaves, they were wet, and I, uh, I slid on them - fuck - I, um, I slid and I heard a, like a, 'pop,'" he slung his arm over the bill of his baseball cap.

"Okay?" I tried to piece his story together.

"Daddy?" Philip stared down at us from the top of the staircase.

"Hijo, go to your room. It's fine." I hated the tone I took with my boy as soon as I heard it leave my throat.

Philip went down a step, "daddy?"

"Son, go to your room." I stared him down, not open for discussion.

Tears formed in Philip's eyes and he went to his room. _Fucking everything up,_ I turned my attention back to John, "what happened?"

"I fell. Couldn't steady… fuck, couldn't steady myself. Fell hard. Walked, walked home." He blew out a breath.

"The 'pop' was…?"

He nodded, "my knee." He smiled a grimace.

"Okay. Alright, okay. Can you put weight on it?"

"Yeah, got myself home… about a mile," He nodded.

"Alright, let's get to the couch and go from there." I let him lean against me.

John put weight on his right leg and growled a sound of fear and pain, "I can't."

"I've got you." He leaned harder on me and I led him to the living room and helped him onto the couch.

I sat on the coffee table and pulled his foot into my lap - he whined a high pitched sound at the movement - and untied his shoe before slipping it off, I repeated the action on the other foot. His compression leggings were torn at the knees under his basketball shorts. He pulled his cap off, turning it around, a tuft of curls poked through the closure.

"I want to take a look." I told him and supported his as he lifted his hips to pull off his two layer of pants, leaving him in just his underwear and socks, he winced when I pulled the torn leggings past his knee.

"I'm so sorry." His eyes were closed, cheek caved in between his teeth as he worried it.

"It's okay, but Jesus this doesn't look good." The joint was already swollen and purpling with bruises, blood smearing against the scrapes on his kneecaps.

"I'm so sorry." He repeated and swallowed, his breathing still laboured.

"Pip! Bring me the peroxide please?"

Philip's door opened, "what?"

"In the bathroom under the sink, the brown bottle. The fizzy stuff we clean ouchies with!" I called back up.

"On it, papi!" I heard him scamper to the bathroom.

"Be right back." I kissed John's forehead and went to the kitchen to get supplies.

Philip held the bottle of peroxide out to me when I returned with the ice pack, a few kitchen towels, and ibuprofen.

"Here, papi."

"Thank you, hijo. Can you go get daddy a glass of water?"

"Water? Okay." He ran around the couch to the kitchen.

I held the towel off to the side of John's knee, " this is going to sting. I'm sorry," I told him splashing peroxide over the scrape.

He seethed and Philip returned, handing him the water, "daddy, are you hurt?"

"I'm okay, baby."

Philip crawled up against John's left side and examined his dirty hands.

"Okay, hand." I took John's right hand first, holding his wrist like it might break and splashed peroxide over his palm, it frothed furiously and he wrinkled his nose at the pain.

"Daddy, what happened? Papi is it okay?" Philip looked frantically between us.

"Daddy fell down, it's okay, hijo."

Philip looked skeptical, "fell? Fell down on the ground?"

I nodded, "he slipped on some leaves." I took John's other hand and gave it the same treatment, the towel was tinged with blood. _Fuck, this is bad._

I poked ibuprofen at John and wrapped the ice pack in a towel before propping it on his knee on the coffee table.

"What do you think?" I asked him, sitting next to him on the sofa.

"I don't even know, it hurts." He pulled his cap off and ran his hand over his hair.

"Alright, we're going to the hospital."

"Alex, I'm icing it. What are they going to say?"

"No, John, I'm worried. Can you bend it?"

He rolled his eyes, "yeah."

His face turned to shock.

"John?"

"Stuck. Locked up on me."

"Hospital. Do I call an ambulance?"

"No, come on, we can take a cab. I'm not dying."

"Daddy's gonna die?" Philip's eyes twinkling with tears.

"Shh, no baby. Not going anywhere. Just need a doctor to fix me up. This isn't the first time daddy's knee's been a pain in the butt, I'm okay." He wrapped an arm around Philip and swayed side to side.

I called Eliza and held the phone to my ear, she answered, "Alex, are you alright? I'm at a removal."

"Sorry. You're busy?"

"Yeah, I'll call you later."

"O-Okay." I hung up and called Lafayette.

"Bonsoir, Alexander!" His voice was its usual sunshine.

"Laf, I need help." My voice was pleading, _disgustingly desperate._

"What is it? Are you okay?"

"We're okay, John's hurt, but he's okay, need you to watch Pip."

"Of course, twenty minutes."

"Merci beaucoup."

I helped John back into his basketball shorts and a pair of sandals, Philip was still on the verge of tears, John hushed him while I got things together for us to have a long night in the emergency room.

Lafayette arrived and I let him in and explained the situation. He fretted, eyes darting around the room.

"Can you feed my poor kid?" I asked him.

"Of course, not to worry, mon petit and I will have a fantastic evening." He kissed the top of John's head and we helped him to a standing position.

"Be good for uncle Laf, we'll be home soon, okay?" Te amo, love you, love you lots." I kissed Philip's cheek.

"Te amo, love you, love you more." He called after us.

"Bye, baby, I love you." John called to him.

I hailed a taxi and Lafayette and I helped John down the stoop and into the car.

"Good luck." Lafayette saw us off.

John struggled to get his knee to bend in the car and sat at an angle.

"Alright, without Pip here, how bad is it?" I asked him.

"It hurts really fucking bad, Alex. I'm scared."

"It's going to be fine. You're going to be fine." I said it matter of fact watching his work the inside of his cheek.

"I know." He grabbed my hand, grimacing at the reminder of the cuts on his palms, he didn't stop holding my hand on the drive.


	6. Chapter 6

**More angst hot off the press. I do love this little family and how they take care of each other. They all bring balance. Thank you so much for all of the love and support. Your kindness and excitement is really what keeps me writing. Thank you for being here! Enjoy!**

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The coffee was acrid. I bounced my legs in the exam room waiting for the scans to be done. My phone rang, it was Eliza.

"Hey," I cleared my throat, trying to wake my voice after a few hours of not using it.

"Hi, Alex. Are you okay? You sounded off earlier." She sounded exhausted.

I sighed hard and leaned forward in the chair, "John's hurt. He did something to his knee. We're at the hospital, I was going to ask if you could watch Philip."

"What happened? Is he okay?"

I licked fresh blood from my my lip and let the coppery taste mix with another slug of coffee gone tepid.

"He slipped and fell out running, I don't know anything, they took him back for a CT scan like two fucking hours ago."

"Do you want me to come up there and sit with you? I will."

 _Yes, please. Please, want nothing more than my Eliza, soft, safe,_ "um, yeah, but… but can you go watch Pip? I… Lafayette wants to be here and I think since he was around for the last time John screwed up his knee that maybe he could have some information for the doctors… I think it's pretty bad, Betsey. The doctors tried to keep calm, you know, bedside manner and all of that bullshit, but I see through it… it's bad."

"Of course, anything you need. I'll head over to your house now, should I have Lafayette bring anything?"

"No, we're fine. Thank you, Betsey."

"Absolutely, I'll send Lafayette when I get there. It's gonna be okay, love."

"I know," _it has to be, wait… other people exist,_ "are you okay? You sound tired."

"I hate taking people's kids away, that's not what I do this job for. Removed three kids from a rough situation in the Bronx tonight, lots of drugs, not a lot of parenting. Those poor babies."

"I'm… sorry." I didn't have it in me to comfort her and would add it to my list of transgressions.

"It's fine, Alex. I'll head over to your place now."

I hung up and continued to wait, texting Laf to update him on the plans, he chomped at the bit to come up. By the three hour mark of John being gone for scans I grew panicky, Lafayette arrived and sat in the vinyl chair beside me.

"I called Patsy." He patted my knee, I watched his eyes grapple with wanting to comfort me - or maybe seeking comfort from me - and respecting my resistance to touch. _I wasn't like John… in any way._

"Thank you." I heard wheels of a gurney and patent shoes clicking down the hallway.

A team settled John's bed back into the small ER room, and left behind only a doctor who put a black slide up on the illuminator. John smiled a dopey grin seeing Lafayette, the morphine they'd given him was working, he was heavy and a little giggly despite the mask of pain that even the drugs couldn't take away, it wasn't unlike looking at him when he and Harry got high.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" He grinned at Lafayette, but then his eyes cleared and narrowed, "wait, who has the baby?"

"Shh, it's okay, Eliza's with him." I calmed him, standing to stroke his arm, nervous to touch his now bandaged hands.

"Oh, oh, yeah, that's okay." His face slackened again.

The doctor cleared his throat and illuminated the light box, "we had to do a CT scan rather than an MRI due to the pins in his knee, so we don't have as clear of a picture, but here you can see there's a pretty bad tear in the inner meniscus, there's some bone bruising in the patella, we believe that the best course of action is surgery, we want to make sure that the hardware is still intact and in place, repair that tear in the meniscus and check for any other damage. We've got him slated for eight in the morning, and my charge nurse has started the process to admit him."

I squeezed John's arm, "okay, okay, thank you."

"Please let me know if you have any questions, I'll give you a moment, we should be able to get him to a room within the next hour." The doctor left the room and I watched John gnaw at the inside of his cheek, he looked up at me with fear in his eyes. _Fear was rare and unbecoming on my John._

"It's okay. You're going to be alright, John. You're always alright."

He leaned against me, so heavy and somber. Lafayette stood across from me, hands on the railing of the bed, he stared at John.

"I'm scared. I hate hospitals." He buried his face in my stomach.

"Shh, we'll get you fixed up." My fingers got lost in his hair, Lafayette stroked John's hip, worry pulled at his face.

John winced and pushed himself further up the bed, wiping his face with the heels of his hands, "can I see the baby? I want to see Philip."

"Of course, I'll call Eliza."

John nodded.

"I'll take care of it," Lafayette came around the bed and ran a hand over my shoulder.

"Thanks." I smiled at him.

I took a deep breath, wanting to do anything more in my power to help John. Make him feel any better, the pain was written on his face despite the morphine. Lafayette retreated to the waiting room to make the call.

"I'm kind of freaking out, Alexander." His eyebrows drew close together, his words fell quickly from his mouth.

"Yeah," I grimaced, "yeah, me, too." I stroked his cheek.

"I didn't mean for this to… I just wanted to go for a run." He sniffed.

"You like to do that." I smirked at him.

"Probably can't anymore, it was so bad last time. I don't want you and Pip to see me like that. I don't want you to see how weak I can be."

"No, you're not weak," _I'm fucking weak, not you,_ "we'll help. Philip's a good helper… and well, shit, I love you, I'll do anything for you."

"I want this bed to be bigger." He sighed.

I smirked, "I don't think we'll both fit, have to come home to me for a cuddle."

"Promise," he grinned, "I'm so tired."

"Sleep, querido. Pip will be here soon."

John leaned toward me and his eyes fluttered shut. I brushed his hair back and watched him sleep. Philip, Eliza, and Lafayette joined me.

"Remember to be gentle like we talked about, Pip." Eliza ruffled his hair.

Philip crossed the threshold slowly, he clutched his plastic dinosaur to his chest, looking sleepy in his flannel space jammies, "is daddy sleeping?" he asked me softly.

"Yeah, they gave him medicine called morphine, it makes your ouchies not hurt so bad, but it made him feel really sleepy, come here, hijo." I pulled Philip onto my hip, he reached out and patted John's arm.

"Daddy?"

John's eyes fluttered and he forced himself awake, recognizing Philip's voice.

"Hi baby," he reached out and smoothed back Philip's hair.

"Why does daddy have mummy hands?"

"Remember the cuts that I cleaned on his hands? The nurses bandaged them up so that they stay nice and clean, you were a big help at home, you helped make sure those ouchies stayed nice and clean so no bacteria got to live there... Hey, I'm sorry I got snappy with you." I squeezed him.

"Probably you were just scared." Philip told me, rubbing his hands over my goatee.

I smiled at him and nodded, _such a smart kid._

"Come give daddy some cuddles? I don't get to sing you to sleep tonight." John reached for Philip who started to crawl out of my arms, reaching for John in the bed.

"Other side." Lafayette instructed.

I set Philip down and he walked around the bed and pulled himself up to be with John, who nuzzled him and kissed his head, dozing again. Philip patted John's chest and fell asleep with his daddy.

"Was he okay for you guys?" I asked quietly.

"Little tearful, but he settled down after we ate dinner." Lafayette smiled at my boys in the bed.

"Just fine. Fell asleep on me during story, didn't have the heart to move him. He's just the snuggliest kid." Eliza's face was in a soft smile.

"Thank you, thank you so much."

"What time does he need to be at school?" Lafayette was all business.

"Um, eight-ish? Like twenty after." _That's right, responsibilities._

"You're staying here, I presume?" Lafayette asked.

"I want to." I bit my lip.

"Of course, mon ami."

Eliza shared a look with Lafayette, he nodded slightly, "Alex, walk with me?" She threaded her arm around mine.

"But I-" I protested, Lafayette cut me off.

"I have them."

I let Eliza drag me to the hallway and through the automatic double doors, strolling the hallway.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"I'm okay."

"Alexander."

"I'm okay." I repeated.

"Love, you're not, I know you."

We made it to the end of the hall, dark and quiet, she sat us on a cracked vinyl sofa and held me against her, I struggled like a cat, feeling the tears well, not wanting her to have to comfort me. I worked diligently to make sure the tears didn't break through my lashes and took in the olfactory rose bouquet that was Eliza.

"Betsey, I am fine, because John will be fine, he will recover completely in an expeditious fashion and he will return home with us. We will continue to raise our boy and everything-"

She interrupted me, "Alex, stop with the, 'I'm from the seventeen hundreds and I speak like this just because I can' routine. You need a new act, love, the rigidly brilliant thing where you talk like you write isn't getting the job done. Be real with me."

I stared at the ground, "it's bad, you know?"

"It's not the end of the world. He's going to be okay."

"But what if he isn't?"

"Don't put any thought into that."

"But what if? Mi corazón, that would be just my luck."

"Stop, that's not true. We both know it. Do you want to pray?"

"No, you know I don't really…"

"I'll do it enough for both of us. Let people help, Alex, we've got Philip. We'll help. Family."

"Family." I repeated, trying to make the word make sense, that was asking too much, I've always asked too much.

"Let's go, I'm going to take Philip home."

I nodded, he's going to be so tired.

Eliza woke Philip up from where he slept against John.

"It's time for you to go home, hijo." I told him as he wiped his eyes, orienting himself.

"I don't want to leave daddy." He clung to John who started to wake up.

"It's okay, you'll see him tomorrow."

"No, no, I don't want to go." Fat tears chased each other down Philip's cheeks.

"Hey, Pipster, none of that. See you tomorrow, right?" John slurred with sleep.

"Come on, hijo. Give daddy a big hug, he'll see you tomorrow," I rubbed his back.

Philip squeezed John around the neck, John squeezed back and kissed his cheek.

"Be good." I kissed his hair.

"Keep Dino, daddy, he'll keep you safe." Philip nested his plastic dinosaur against John's side.

"You sure you don't want him?" John grinned.

"Promise, my stuffies can keep me safe."

He drug his sleepy feet out of the room with Eliza and Lafayette, leaving John and I alone. They moved him to a regular room shortly thereafter.

"Alex, please hold me?" John sighed heavily.

I couldn't see the fear in his eyes. _Not fear, not in my brazen, bold, silly John, anything but fear._

"You're ridiculous." I rolled my eyes and took my glasses off, setting them on the rolling table before I carefully wedged myself against his left side, he winced a little bit as we got comfortable.

He used the crook of my arm for a pillow and fitted his head in the hollow of my neck. I kicked my shoes off, letting them fall of the side of the bed with a thunk and stroked his hair and whispered pleading adorations until we both slept.

The knock on the door startled me and I flung myself out of his bed like we'd be in trouble if we were caught.

"Good morning, it's time to go." His nurse told us.

John was worrying his cheek, eyes coming into focus, "I love you."

I held his cheek and touched our foreheads together, "para siempre."

He nodded, his breath catching. I watched them wheel him away and pulled my shoes back on, it felt wrong to be in his room alone. I paced the halls and searched for coffee. More of the acrid garbage. I wandered down the halls, conversing with myself, reciting memorized passages of books to keep my mind occupied as I drained the styrofoam cup over and over. _He had to be okay._


	7. Chapter 7

**Good Lord, this one's a doozy. I loved all of the reviews on the last chapter, it brings me such joy to see people enjoying my work. Thank you a million times over. Good luck and grab your tissues. :)**

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I was sitting in the waiting room, tired of pacing, tired of sitting, on edge, I checked my phone again, it had gone off consistently. I had a new text, this one from Hercules. I smiled at my phone and read the message.

 **Hey, bud, I'm pretty sure my lovely husband has been… himself, and you probably want for nothing… except maybe to be left alone, sorry about that ;) but if you need anything you can call me.**

 **Thanks, Herc, I'm sorry we kidnapped Lafayette. We're lucky to have you guys.**

 **No sweat, man. I knew from the jump I was marrying John as much as you were marrying Laf. They're a packaged deal. Keep him as long as you want. I'm in LA this week, gives him something to do other than pester me.**

 **Oh, shit, that's this week isn't it? Good luck with the shoot! You'll have to tell us about it when you get back.**

 **Will do, hang tough, Ham.**

I pocketed my phone and continued to wait, sliding deeper and deeper into the chair, now nearly a dozen cups of coffee in and too jittery to focus on anything but the clock and the hole I'd torn in my lip.

"Mr. Laurens?" a woman held a clipboard and looked around the waiting room.

I stood, and crossed the room to her, "I'm his husband."

Her eyes and lips were too big for her heart shaped face, "Mr. Laurens, your husband is out of surgery, everything went very well, the tear in the meniscus was repaired as well as some damage that we found in his ACL, we also replaced a pin that was damaged."

"Can I see him, please?" I begged.

"He's out of recovery, but we've moved him to the ICU, since the surgery was much more extensive than we anticipated and he was put under more anaesthesia to keep him under for the duration of the surgery and we're having some trouble getting him to wake up."

"Is he… in a coma or some shit?" I blinked, trying to make it make sense.

"We're not comfortable using the term coma until twelve hours post-op, but he is still under, the good news is that he's breathing on his own with healthy stats, we have every reason to believe his body is just working through the trauma. At this point it's a matter of beat the clock."

"If I suspect even an ounce of foul play so help me God, I'll shut this whole hospital down." I clenched my fists.

"Sir, I understand you're upset, we have lawyers and social workers on staff if you feel the need to discuss anything that I've talked with you about."

"No, lady, I _am_ the lawyer," I remembered what this was about and the fight in me dissipated, "just, please let me see him."

"Right this way, sir."

I followed her through the maze of the ICU floor and to his room, she left me alone. John looked peaceful in repose. His knee was elevated on a piece of foam, the skin around the bandages stained with iodine. I pulled the chair up to his bedside and sat beside him, not noticing the woman leave. I took his bandaged hand in mine.

"Hey," I kissed his knuckles and ran my cheek over the back of his hand, he smelled like hospital, "you get to wake up now… it's over."

His heart monitor beeped steadily, his heart rate in the sixties. I followed the IV lines from his hand to the hanging bag of fluids. He didn't look right, his face too slacken, not the dopey grin he kept while he was asleep, not even the tense face when he had nightmares, just blank. I concentrated on the slow rise and fall of his chest. I rested my temple against his hip and stared up at his chest, the metronome of his slow breaths lulled me.

' _He looks so hot in those silly clothes.'_ John was basking in the sun in a clearing in a ridiculous get up, a long blue woolen coat with dramatic golden epaulettes and shiny brass buttons adorning it, a linen cravat done up to his throat, and tan riding pants that showed off his muscular physique. I watched him take a shaky breath and stand up from the edge of a slow moving river. He untied a horse from a nearby tree and rubbed its nose, pecking a quick kiss on the animal, ' _that's my John, so loving, so sweet.'_ He mounted the horse and rode confidently to a group of men in similar, though less dignified dress. I tried to place myself in the scene, it was like watching from an empty movie theatre. There were _pops_ in the distance, John straightened his back and threw a fist over his head, "let's go!" he shouted to the other men as a scourge of eye-gouging red-dressed men poured over the lowlands of the river bank. More pops, _gunfire,_ shouting in a whirl all around him. Another pop, so loud, so loud my ears rang, John's face twisted in shock as a blossom of blood blackened his white shirt, he fell from the horse. ' _No! No no no no no! John!'_

I panted and sat up with a start, John was still sleeping in his hospital bed, in a gown, not some silly, _kind of sexy,_ military get up. His lips looked more chapped than they had earlier, the clock on the wall revealed that three hours had passed. I straightened my glasses and wiped my face with trembling hands, shaken by the dream. I re-tied my ponytail and rummaged in the bag we'd taken for the lip balm he always kept in the side pocket and smoothed some over his lips.

"You ready to wake up?" I traced the freckles over the bridge of his nose, anticipating the crinkle of his features that he always made when I did that. _Nothing._

"Okay, John, but, you _really_ need to get up now."

I checked my phone, a deluge of missed texts and calls. I updated Lafayette and Eliza and Martha and leaned back over the bed, pressing my forehead to John's hip, placing his heavy hand on the back of my neck, his skin was so cool and clammy. I sighed and worked my lip against my teeth.

" _Eliza, what are you doing here?"_ I sat at my desk, low lit from only the lamp, she held an envelope. She put a hand on my shoulder. "There's a letter from South Carolina." I made a face at her, "that's weird, John wouldn't write me a letter, he's just on vacation." I chuckled and brushed her off, turning back to my writing. "It's from his sister," she told me, something off in her voice. "Hmm, okay, go ahead and read it to me?" I flipped to a new page in the notebook and continued writing. "John Laurens was fatally killed in an accident, he's buried here until you can send for his remains, he leaves behind his husband and child-" I cut her off and tilted my head, "what? That doesn't make any sense." She held my cheek, "Alexander, are you alright?" I pushed her hand away, "he's not…"

Again, I roused, _was he dead, where were we?_ Nothing made sense. I stared at him in the hospital bed, still sleeping as consciousness took over and reminded me of where we were and what had happened. Another two hours had passed, five down, seven to go. I scooted the chair back loudly, the scrape on the linoleum made a ricocheting sound through the quiet, dark room. I paced back and forth around the bed.

"Wake up, John. I'm going to go get some coffee. It would be great if you were awake when I got back."

I called Lafayette as I made my way toward the coffee machine in the waiting room, I could barely hear him over Philip in the background, "is that my daddy? Can I talk to my daddy?"

Lafayette held the phone away, "just a minute, it's your papi, just let grown ups talk for a second."

Philip's exasperated huff in the background made me smile, Lafayette was back on the line, "hi, sorry. Is he awake?"

"Still nothing." I sighed, filling my cup.

"Merde." Lafayette sighed.

Philip gasped in the background, "bad word!"

"He knows French, Laf." I chuckled.

"Shit. I mean, ugh, gah, uh, da, uh, mon dieu." Lafayette was flustered, it was endearing.

"It's fine, he lives with me, he's heard it before."

"Should we come up?"

"No, not yet, I don't want Philip to see him like this, not until… not if he doesn't have to."

"Okay, say the word."

"I will. Can I talk to him?"

"Of course. Mon petit, your papa would like to speak with you." He shuffled the phone.

"Hi papi!"

"Hi hijo. How was school."

"It was pretty good, we learned about the colour wheel and mixing colours, but I said, 'I already know all of this, 'cause my daddy's an artist,'"

"That's pretty cool, my smart boy. I miss you."

"I miss you, papi, when can I come see daddy?"

I let out a breath, "well, hijo, your daddy is so so tired today, because he had to have surgery, they fixed his knee."

"Fixed it all better? Now it won't say, 'pop pop pop pop!'?" The sound reminded me of the gunfire in my dream and I shook the thought loose.

"Well, it's probably still going to make that noise. That noise just says, 'hey, there used to be an ouchy here.'"

"Like your 'pop pop' wrists?"

"Mhm, just like that."

"Well, can you tell daddy to wake up? 'Cause I really want to see him."

"I'll do what I can, hijo. I love you."

"I love you, too, papi."

"Be super good, okay?"

"I will." He handed the phone back to Lafayette.

"I'll call you." I told him and we hung up.

When I got back to John's room he was still sleeping, I stared at Philip's dinosaur on the bedside table, it stared back at me in cold plastic.

"Alright, John. That's enough. This is just getting silly." I rolled my eyes and stared at him.

"John, come on, my love. Your son is asking about you. Our baby wants you." I sat back down and took his hand.

I watched him in silence until the five hour mark and stood up to continue my pacing, lecturing him about anything that popped into my head, mostly building a legal case against the hospital.

Four more hours to go.

"Fuck you, then." I waved a hand in his direction and crossed my arms.

"How dare you? How dare you, Jack! You make me love you, you fix me, we have a good life, we have Philip. So how dare you?"

I paced to the other side of his bed and gripped the handrails, peering down over him, small and fragile, "fuck you, John. Fuck you," my breath caught and tears rained down my face, I pawed at my face with my sleeve, "fuck you... I love you. Don't fucking do this. Please, please... I love you. I need you, querido. Te necesito... Te necesito."

I sniffled and crossed his bed again to take my seat, "please, please, mi vida, please."

I pulled my glasses off and wiped my face.

Three hours to go.

I took his hand in both of mine and bent over his bed, "God, please. Just let me keep him. I need him. Our boy needs him. Not for me. I know I don't deserve him, I don't deserve this life, I know I've failed time and time again, but for Philip. Please, God, for him. Amen?" I'd forgotten how to pray, and wasn't sure if I said it out loud, almost sure that my prayers would be met with indifference.

Two hours to go.

I stood over him, twisting the curls that framed his face, running my fingers over the shell of his ear, down the angle of his jaw, across his collarbones, craving all of the beautiful places on his body. Wanting to hold him… _even more wanting to be held by him_. I saw his eyes dance beneath their lids saw his fingers twitch.

"John?"

He rasped and cleared his throat, "Alex?" His eyes refused to open.

"I'm here, John. I'm here."

"My… my mom's not here, right?"

"No amante, she isn't."

"Mmm, right, she's… she's dead," he cleared his throat, his voice was so raw, his tongue poked out to wet his lips, "I dreamt about her… she loved you." There was the grin, dopey, happy, my John.

"I don't know about that. I had some weird fucking dreams, too… all about you." I felt tears build behind my eyes.

He showed all his teeth in a wide grin, his dry lips getting stuck on them, his eyes finally fluttered open, "jeez, Alex, why are you so obsessed with me?" He poked his tongue back out at me.

"You ass," I drug my thumb across his lip and he pecked a kiss on the digit, "you scared me."

"All good in the hood," his eyes narrowed, more memory coming back, "can I walk?"

"Far as I know. You haven't tried it or anything, too busy making your husband lose his fucking mind, but they said it went well."

He nodded and winced, "hurts."

"Yeah, I bet, it was a lot worse than they thought."

He blew out a breath and squinted his eyes shut, "this sucks. My stomach feels super great by the way." He blew out another breath.

"I know, I know, shh," I held his head against me, "I'll get the nurse. Your night nurse is actually decent, checked on you a few times."

"Is it late?"

"Yeah, it's like two in the morning."

"Pip's asleep." He remarked.

"Hope so. You'll see him tomorrow, he was asking about you."

He nodded and swallowed before another slow exhale, I got the nurse and went back to his side while she went to retrieve his drugs.

"Have you eaten?" John asked me, _Christ, almost in a coma and immediately he's taking care of me_. I smiled at the thought, meant he was okay.

"Yesterday, had… breakfast? Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Go home, snuggle our baby, eat, take a shower, sleep in our big bed, I'm okay."

"I don't want to leave you."

He cleared his throat, "I'm just gonna sleep, sounds like you've watched me do enough of that today. You creeper." He smirked, his breathing more laboured as the pain settled back in.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, and you know, if you get a wild hair, you can send me some dirty pictures of you waiting in our bed for me.."

"You don't even know where your phone is, it's probably dead."

"I'm just saying." He whispered.

"I like morphine John, he's fun." I kissed his head.

"You'll be here tomorrow?" He asked.

"Bright and early, we can come before Pip goes to school."

"He has the, um, the science fair next week, you need to bring um, damn, I don't remember, I'm sorry, he needs something for it."

"I'll slip a twenty in his backpack, let his teacher figure it out."

John grinned and the nurse returned with a new bag of morphine. I kissed his dry lips and sighed peacefully - with a hint of exhaustion - as I crossed into the night air.


	8. Chapter 8

**Oh, look, more angst! But it's less angsty than the last chapter, phew. Can we get back to politics? Please! Thank you for reading and reviewing. Shadow, your thought out reviews are so lovely, I appreciate hearing your thoughts every time. Hope you all enjoy!**

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"So tomorrow will daddy come home?" Philip asked over his soup.

"I don't know, hijo. Please eat."

He ate another spoonful of soup, "'cause you said it would be maybe today, but today's almost over. He hasn't sang me to sleep in a long long time."

"Well, the doctors changed their mind. They're reminding daddy how to walk."

"We can teach him. You guys taught me, I didn't have to be in the hospital." He glared at me, taking out all of his stress on me since John was gone, something I was almost certain he'd picked up from me.

I sighed, "it doesn't work like that. I wish it did."

He finished eating and I cleared our bowls.

"Papi, can I have some blueberries?" He danced around the kitchen, "myrtilles, myrtilles, bum bum bum, arándano, bum bum, I want to have some blueberries."

I opened the refrigerator, it was mostly empty, "we have… an apple?"

"No," he pouted, "yesterday's the day that daddy and me go to the store, but you didn't."

I wiped a hand over my face, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, papi, it just means I don't get to have any blueberries." He trudged toward the living room. I scurried after him, determined to make this one thing better. _To do anything right._

"How about we go to the store now?"

He let out a sigh, "it's bedtime soon."

"I'm the papi, I make bedtime, come on, let's go get my boy some blueberries."

"You didn't make a list." He protested despite his eyes lighting up.

"Psh, who needs a list, let's go, get your shoes, hijo."

"Don't forget the bags!"

 _Good call,_ I went to the closet and got the reusable bags out.

"I'm ready." Philip hopped out from behind the open closet door.

"Good deal, let's roll."

I took his hand and we walked down the street toward the nearest grocery store.

"Not this one." Philip moaned.

"What's wrong with this one?"

"Daddy says that it's not very good. We go to the one on the bus."

"That one's far away." I told him.

"Not very. It's where we always go. It's where you're ' _upposed to go._ "

"Okay," I guided us to the bus stop, exhausted.

We waited for the bus and when it came I swiped out passes and took a seat on the mostly empty bus. Philip stood in the aisle and held onto my seat.

"Come sit, we don't have to stand when it's mostly empty."

"Daddy lets me stand 'cause this is a short ride. Says I have to get my New York legs. You take a big step like you're surfing so you don't fall over. Cowabunga, dude!"

"Pip, just sit down."

"Daddy lets me." He repeated.

I grumbled but caved, it was only a few stops, and I kept my arm around him. We got off and walked to the store. Philip got a cart for us that was as big as he was, I took it from him and he rode between my arms in front of me.

"So, blueberries, what else do you want?"

"We have to get food for all week. Like for dinner." He looked back at me like I was an idiot.

"Okay, well, produce first. Blueberries and what else?"

"Avocados!" He hopped off the cart and went under my arm and ran to pick some out, tossing them into the basket before mounting the cart again.

"What else?"

"Bananas!" He pointed at the bushels and I got one, putting it in the cart.

"No, papi, we have to get the ones with the green sticker on them, 'cause them are organic."

"'They,' hijo. No, organic isn't real. It doesn't matter."

"Daddy says it does matter, and that he doesn't want me to eat a bunch of pets-a-sides."

"Pesticides won't hurt you, they're safe, it's fine. Your daddy just likes to waste money sometimes. He's silly like that."

He looked at the fruit skeptically.

"Strawberries?" I suggested.

"No, rather have peaches."

I put some peaches in the basket and he squealed with excitement, "cómo se dice peaches, papi?"

"Durazno."

"Durazno…durazno," he repeated, feeling out the word, "me gusta! In French?"

I thought about it, "pêche."

"Hmm."

"Mangos?"

He shook his head, "no, can we get more yogurt? I didn't have any for breakfast today. You know, 'cause we were out." _Sassy like his daddy._

"Yup." I took us to the dairy case and he picked out his strawberry Greek yogurt and set it in the basket.

I got a gallon of two percent milk and set it in the cart before taking us down the frozen foods aisle, "we don't really shop in this part, papi"

"Well, daddy's better at life than me. Ever seen these before?" I got dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets out of the cooler.

"Whoa! Dinosaurs?"

"Yup."

"That's the coolest! Can we get them?"

"Yup." I set the bag in the cart and put a few more frozen dinners in the cart and took us to cereal getting him a box of cheerios and cocoa puffs for myself.

"That's cereal for grown ups." He pointed at my box.

"Yup. Now we're going to get drinks for grown ups." I took him down the liquor aisle and grabbed a bottle of rum, almost out at home after a few nights of trouble sleeping alone in our bed.

"Ew! That's icky."

"That's right. You don't want this stuff. Anything else we need?"

"Um… can we have some more cheese sticks for my lunches?"

"Yup." It was my exhausted mantra as he pelted my tired mind with question after question.

We got cheese sticks and a loaf of bread and waited in the check out line.

"Thea said she wants to write books. I think that's cool, but it's sort of lame, it's just one thing! Why would you just do one thing? But I told her that it was okay, and she can just marry me and write books. I think I'm gonna marry her when we're big, not a boy like you and daddy, and then our babies will have a mama, but they won't get to have a daddy and a papi like me, that's kind of sad, huh? But, I still think she can be lots of things for her job, since you can be lots of things, like how I'm gonna be an astronaut lawyer who makes comic books. I can take my lawyer clients from the spaceship as long as they can give me the internet, but I'll be by a satellite and that's where the internet comes from, but I'll have to get special pens, regular pens don't work in space. Did you know that? I'm gonna just probably use pencils to make comic books, but I like to use pastels for colours, that's what daddy lets me use when I make art in the studio, maybe I'll take pictures like daddy does, too, but I don't want them to be in a magazine, I just want to take them for fun, and maybe I can draw clothes for uncle Herc to make, but I don't really want to be a fashion designer, I'll be too busy being a martian-fighting lawyer, comic maker in space. I can do all of those things, right, papi?"

"Yup." I nodded, putting our items on the conveyor belt.

 _He talks so much._ Why did we teach him to talk? He gulped breaths between his onslaught of sentences. I rolled my neck, knowing that he got it from me and made note to apologize to anyone I'd ever spoken to.

Philip helped carry the bags to the bus stop, he sat willingly on the ride after I told him he could only eat blueberries if he was sitting. He helped carry the bags again on the walk up the street. He was panting by the time we got to the stoop. I unlocked the door and we put the groceries away together. Philip narrated the items we put away in song and tried to convince me that it was the 'putting away groceries' song.

I got him ready for bed and fixed myself a drink before going upstairs to our cold, empty bed. I stripped to my underwear and flopped into bed, discarding my glasses on the side table. I buried my face in John's pillow, desperate for the dissipating strawberries that clung to the fabric. It was so lonely. _I was so lonely._ And horny, horny was another aspect. I sipped my drink and called John.

"Hey." he answered. I heard him turn the television down in the background.

"Hey." I blew out a breath.

"Doing alright, babe?" He knew me.

"Just lonely, want you home."

"I know, I want nothing more than to be there with you, Tomorrow is looking more and more promising. I got a ninety degree bend and a twelve inch lift tonight in physical therapy."

"Well, look at you go. I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, now, if they'd just let me walk around without my silly, old lady gait belt we'll be cooking with gas."

"Old lady, huh? Kinky. Think they'll let us take one home?"

"Stop talking." He giggled, sounding in higher spirits than he had all week.

"Could be kinda hot." I sing songed.

"I'm ignoring you. How's Pip?"

"He's okay, we went to the grocery store tonight. How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Run our house. My God, I've seriously taken you for granted, you're a superhero. I'm fucking exhausted. Pip is a nut."

"What did he do?"

"Just the energy. Christ. Also, is there a 'putting away groceries' song?"

John giggled, a high tinkling sound, "not a real one, no, we just make up a song with all of the names of the stuff we're putting away. It changes every time, though."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I don't know, started it when he was little little, helped him learn stuff, now it's habit."

"You're my hero. I love you so stupid much. Thank you."

"I mean, you take care of all the bills and stuff, I couldn't do that, don't even want to try."

"We're a pretty alright team, Laurens."

He giggled.

"Come home to me."

"I'm working on it."

"I know you are… patience isn't really my strong suit, though."

"You don't say?"

"Alright, alright, jerk. So there's one thing we haven't figured out yet." A smirk played on my lips.

"What's that?" He asked, all business.

"How exactly I'm going to fuck you without breaking your knee for the next eight weeks."

"I guess, maybe you won't?"

I chuckled, "don't be ridiculous, we'll figure it out, I'm very clever," I clicked my tongue, thinking, "hmm, I wonder if you're kind of… no that won't do… I suppose we could try… no that's terrible… well, there's always."

"Oh, my god, you're really thinking this through aren't you?" He laughed.

"Of course I am, it's a very pressing matter."

"Cool, well, you draw up the schematics, I'm going to sleep. I love you, goofball."

"Love you, too, John. So much."

I turned the lamp off and plugged in my phone, clutching his pillow to my chest, desperate for it to be him.

"Papi," Philip's voice was small.

I opened my eyes, he was nose to nose with me, I made a startled sound, and he repeated it, we scared each other, "what is it, hijo?"

"Papi, I'm scared."

"Why, love?" I sniffed, reaching over the edge of the bed to hold his hand, rubbing each of his little fingers.

"Had a bad, scary dream. Can I sleep with you?"

"Of course, come on." I pulled the blanket down and he kneed me hard in the stomach crawling over to John's side.

"I want daddy."

"I know," I hugged his sleep-warm body to me, and tucked my chin on top of his head.

"I can't sleep."

"You just got here, try."

"But I really miss daddy." He sniffed.

"Shh… Pip, he's going to be home so soon."

"But he isn't here now." His sniffs turned into full on sobs.

"Oh, mi hijo, I know. I'm sad, too, but you're okay. I'm here. I'm not daddy, but I'm here."

"Will-will y-you sing to m-me?"

I yawned and wiped the tears that had collected in the corners of my eyes, I hated hearing my baby so sad and I was sad, too, and I was so tired. _So fucking tired._

"Okay, what song, baby?"

"The one you always sang when I was littler… that your mama sang to you in P'erto Rico."

"Lamento Borincano. Okay." I yawned again and tried to remember the words.

I started to sing and Philip reached up into my shirt gathering warmth from my skin, running his fingers over the hair on my chest, I rocked back and forth, setting the tempo of the song, he sang parts he remembered.

"I think that's a sad song, right?" He asked when I was done.

"Kind of, yeah."

"Good, 'cause we're sad people."

My heart broke, "no, hijo, we're sad right now. There's a difference." _I know the difference._

"We can be happy when daddy gets home, right?"

"Of course. You can be happy now, even."

"I don't wanna be happy. I just want my daddy."

"Shh." I kissed his hair.

He fell back asleep. _Jesus fucking Christ, John, please get home soon, we're losing it out here._

I lie awake and thought of the other old, forgotten boleros I hadn't sung to him in years and sang the bits and pieces I remembered, watching the sun lighten the world outside my window. Philip slept cozily against me, his knees settling against my bladder.

I turned off my alarm before it could sound and startle Philip. I kissed his forehead, tickling him with my goatee. "Buenos dias, hijo. Il est temps de se réveiller."

"Couple more minutes? Really sleepy."

"It's time to go to school, you have lots to learn!" I rubbed his arm.

"Ugh, okay. I wanna be smart." He sat up and stretched.

I looked at his head, a mess of curls rats nested around his face. _Fuck, forgot to braid it. Goddammit._

"Okay, chilly out today, go get your clothes on, jeans please, and a sweatshirt."

"Like a hoodie?"

"Mhm. I'll go fix your yogurt." I got the detangler and comb out of the bathroom and went down to the kitchen to get him set up for breakfast, pouring myself a cold cup of coffee.

He came down the stairs, appropriately attired even and sat at the breakfast bar.

"Bad news, kid, we have to brush your hair."

"No, no, no. It hurts." He whined, putting his hands on the back of his head.

"Stop," I pulled his hands away, "papi'll be gentle, eat your breakfast."

"Is this 'cause you forgot my braid?"

"Yup. I know, daddy doesn't forget to remind me. Daddy isn't here to remind me, I forgot. You're mad, rough morning, I know." I shook my head, _dammit, Alexander._

I sprayed the detangler on his head and combed through with my fingers, he squawked around a bite of yogurt when I caught a snarl.

"Enough." I took a drink of coffee, and sprayed more detangler and took the comb to it.

"Papi!" He whined, his shoulders drawing up.

"Alright, we're done, you survived."

"Can you at least make it pretty?"

"Pretty how, hijo? We need to get going soon."

"Pretty like in two braids."

"Okay, I'm going to go and get dressed, I'll grab the ponytails and then we can do it quick quick, okay?"

He finished eating and I got myself ready, returning to braid his hair. He sat still for this part and didn't complain. We took the bus and got him to school barely on time, I went on to the hospital.

John was eating some tasteless looking oatmeal.

"Morning, sunshine." He grinned at my unshaven face and the thermos in my hand.

"Hey." I kissed his forehead.

"You look rough, everything okay?"

"Didn't sleep." I shrugged the fact off.

"Alex," he shook his head.

I shrugged, "got maybe two hours, then I had a stowaway."

"Wet the bed?"

"No, thank God, just a nightmare, I guess."

"Got some good news." John grinned.

"Oh, yeah?"

"They're busting me out of here today."

I put my face in my hands, the longest, hardest week of my adult life was coming to a close, "fuck, yes."

"Will you please take a nap?" He motioned to the recliner beside his bed.

"Only if it's with you." I quirked an eyebrow at him.

He used his arms to scoot over, "come here, handsome."

I snuggled in the bed with him, my whole body sighed into his touch. He stroked my greasy hair.

He made a little snuffling noise and breathed me in, "God, I've missed you."

"Missed you, too. Thought about sleeping on the couch, our bed felt too big."

"You've slept in our bed without me loads of times,"

"Yeah, when you're out on assignment for a day or two, it was all wrong this time."

"Well, no assignments for a long time." He sounded almost sad.

"Good." I kissed his neck.

"Hey, you stop that." He giggled.

"Make me." I bit at his collarbone, he tasted like hospital.

He reached his fingers into my armpit, tickling me, and I bucked away from him, an unbecoming squeal tearing away from my throat. He wore a shit eating grin.

"Not like that, that wasn't sexy."

"Dude, I'm only five days post catheter, suck your own dick. I'm still traumatized." He cupped himself protectively through the scratchy hospital blankets.

I winced on his behalf, "fine. That's fair."

"Now, will you please take a nap?"

"No," I smiled at him, "I just want to talk to you."

"Okay, Philip." He rolled his eyes.

"Oof, low blow."

"Remember how when we first moved into the brownstone during naps he would just talk to himself and have like full conversations with himself that we'd listen to on the monitor?"

"You thought the house was haunted." I teased.

"I did not, it was just creepy as hell."

"It was."

"He gets it from you."

"I know… sorry about that."

"Please take a nap? You said you would if you were with me. Here you are. Please? You look so tired."

"Okay." I relented and curled tighter against him in the too small bed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Good God, you guys blow me away! Seriously, thank you so much for being here. Enjoy the new chapter.**

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The taxi dropped us off at home. I paid the driver and looked up at the stoop, it telescoped on forever. I went around and helped John out of the car and he leaned hard on me and his cane.

"Alright, let's go. We've got this," I squeezed his hip.

We took the first step. He got both of his feet onto it, nine more to go. The second step was easier, I took more of his weight. On the fourth step he leaned against me hard and took a deep breath.

"I can do this." He rested his head on my shoulder, sweat stuck his hair to his forehead, his determination sounded more pointed at himself than at me.

I watched him struggle to lift his foot to the height of the steps and saw how unsteady he felt standing on just his bad leg

"You've got this, querido." We made it to the top of the stoop finally, John was shaking.

I unlocked the door and helped him to the sofa. He flopped hard and I picked his leg up, setting it on the table.

"Time for more meds," I went to get him a glass of water.

I handed him the water and two of his pain pills.

"I hate these." He swallowed the medication.

"I know you do."

"I want to go upstairs. Really want to go to bed. Really want a shower."

"I feel like you should stay here and rest for a while."

"Alexander, I've spent almost a week in that hospital, please just help me." his eyes were desperate but they held an edge of his fire.

"Alright, you're the boss." I helped him up and we made it to the stairs, taking them one at a time.

He leaned hard on me, I worked to balance us both up long narrow staircase, I'd never realized how many steps there were. I hadn't gone this slowly up them since Philip was learning to walk, right after we bought the house. When we got to the landing I held on to him tightly as he panted, brows drawn together in pain, fatigued.

"You still want that shower?" I asked him skeptically.

He nodded, "please."

I helped him to the bathroom and we got him out of his clothes before I started the shower, I sat him on the closed toilet and peeled his bandage away, there was a single long incision in a horseshoe around his knee.

"Chicks dig scars." I smirked.

"Too bad I'm gay." He teased, catching his breath, lips still pressed tightly together from the pain.

"I mean, _I_ think scars are sexy, too. I think your shoulder's super hot. Like, _damn,_ you got shot."

He blushed as I kissed the scarred pucker on his shoulder, lapping at it with my tongue.

"Alright, I can do this, let's get this over with." He took a breath and looked at the spray.

"Fuck it, it'll be easier for me to help you in there, and I'm gross anyway." I stripped, too.

He stood at the edge of the tub and looked at the lip.

"I didn't think this part out." he looked at me.

"Okay, uh, you lean on the cane, I get in, help you get your leg up and over then I take your weight and you get your good leg in?" I thought quickly.

"I was thinking more sit on the ledge and pivot."

"Oh, well that's probably easier." _Duh._

"I know you like doing things the hard way… don't, I know what you're about to say." he smirked, catching the innuendo.

He grabbed my arms and I lowered him to a seated position on the ledge and he swung his good leg over, I picked his other leg up and set it in the tub before getting in myself, where I pulled him up to stand.

John leaned against the cold shower wall, he looked so tired, eyes fluttering shut under the mist.

"Let's be quick." I steadied him under the spray and handed him his shampoo.

He leaned into me for most of the shower, letting water beat down on his face where it rested against my neck. I rinsed his long hair, and did my best to wash myself with him against me.

I got him out of the shower and we went to the bedroom.

"Clothes?" I went to the closet, dressing myself.

"Can I just have a pair of your boxers and a hoodie?"

"You got it." I retrieved the articles and helped him dress himself, he wore a mask of exhaustion and flopped back on the pillows.

"Thanks." He smiled sadly, his hazel eyes deep and shiny.

"Here sit up, let me comb your hair."

I retrieved the oil and comb from the bathroom and came to sit behind him. He sighed at the touch as I massaged his scalp, ecstatic to have him home, to be able dote on him. I plaited his hair and he leaned back on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and he played with my fingers. We sat quietly, I thought he'd fallen asleep until he broke the silence.

"This is good." He sighed.

"Yup. We'll be okay. You'll be okay. How's the pain?"

"I'm fine. The shit I'd do for a joint, though." I could hear the pain in his voice, his breathing still laboured.

"Sorry, you're going to have to call Harry for that one."

He giggled softly, "that dummy would probably try and Fedex it to me."

"Well, he tries to be helpful. At least he knows a good lawyer." I chuckled, we laced our fingers together.

John giggled at my lame joke just like he always did, "some run, huh?"

"Yeah, some run."

"They said it wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't going so fast. I should have known, I'm an old man now, I'm a dad. I can't run like I used to. Can't run at all now."

"You'll get there."

He rested his head against my shoulder and rubbed his face against mine, "I don't know, Alex."

"We'll worry about that later, right now, you're here, you're home." I squeezed him hard.

We napped without realizing it and both woke up with a start to the front door opening and Philip throwing his backpack to the ground.

"Mes amies?" Lafayette called through the house.

"We're up here!" John yelled back.

Philip bounded up the old, creaking stairs and threw himself at John.

"Hey, kid!" John leaned over the bed and squeezed him.

"Hi." I waved to Lafayette, shooting him a glance of appreciation.

"When uncle Laf came to get me from school I knew daddy was coming home! I just knew it!"

"Come here, baby." John patted his side.

Philip carefully got on the bed and held onto John like he was afraid he would shatter. John held him tight and I tugged at his pigtail.

"You just gonna stand there?" John giggled at Lafayette who stepped out of his loafers and came to sit criss cross on the foot of our bed and untied and pulled off Philip's chucks.

"You look good." Lafayette told John.

"Of course I do." He giggled.

"Papi, it totally worked." Philip beamed at me.

"What's that, hijo?"

"Thea thought my hair was super pretty. She told me I was the prettiest boy in our class."

"Oh, boy." John sighed.

I high fived Philip, "I mean, she's totally right, look at you, killer."

"This is not the first that I have heard of this… It is a very long ride from school." Lafayette let out a sigh.

"It's only like a fifteen minute bus ride." I smirked.

Lafayette drooped his head, "...a very long ride."

"And, besides, he picked me up in a car! A car!"

"Laf." John sounded exasperated.

"It was just an Uber. I don't like to wait."

"You're something else." John giggled, adjusting himself against me.

"Hercules and I decided that we're coming over tonight and we're making you dinner. The plan has already been cleared with the young monsieur."

"It's true." Philip concurred.

"You're the best." I shook my head, wondering what we ever did to deserve him.

"Didn't Herc just get back last night? Wouldn't you rather be with him?" John asked.

"Oh, but, mon ami, we had last night," he giggled and let out a long sigh, "... we had last night."

"Good lord." The eye roll could be heard in John's voice.

"It is decided, then. Now, how about I take Master Hamilton home with me and bring him back later? You both look exhausted."

"That sound okay, Pipster?" John asked.

"You're just going to take a nap?" Philip looked up at us in disgust.

"That's the plan." I told him.

"Psh, I'm outta here, come on, oncle Laf, let's go to your house. Can I play with Dauphin?" Philip put his shoes back on.

"Of course, you might have to wake him up. Silly old cat likes to sleep on our bed."

"I love him! He's so cute!" Philip grabbed Lafayette's hand as he stepped back into his shoes, and pulled him along out of our bedroom.

"Call if you need anything! We'll be back tonight- whoa! Ralentis, mon petit! Ralentis! Mon dieu!"

"Don't break your uncle!" I shouted after them.

"I won't!"

"Poor guy." I slid out from behind John to my side of the bed.

"He loves it." John giggled.

I went to curl up against John and stopped, "this isn't going to work. I'm going to hurt you."

"Hmm… yeah, I guess we switch sides for a while."

I got out of bed and he scooted to my side and exchanged our pillows. I lie on his left side.

"Oh, this is weird." He tried to figure out how we fit together backwards.

"I hate this." I grumbled, trying to find the spot where I fit against him.

"Better this way?" He moved his arm and smacked me in the face, "oh, God, sorry, babe, I didn't…"

"It's okay." I held out my arms and he tried to nestle into my chest and we found something close enough to comfortable.

"This feels all wrong." He complained.

"I've been sleeping on your right side for seven years now, this is fucking weird."

"I don't even care. I'm just so happy to be home."

"Me, too. How's the pain?"

"It's better… you can stop asking me that. Lord, I'm just so tired."

"Sleep, querido."

I watched him sleep, exhausted myself, but afraid I'd miss out on him if I slept. I ran my fingers through his hair. I was so tired, but just holding him, having him home, that was all I needed.

Watching my boys sleep was a guilty pleasure that had cost me hours and nights of sleep, and it was worth _every_ minute, every cup of coffee, every stupid mistake I'd make the next day from being so tired. I thought back to when Philip was new, when we first brought him home - the tired year. The year of so much crying… from all three of us. The year when his toes were so little, when I wrote papers for law school with him sleeping against my chest, _when he actually fit there_ ; when I could look down and smell his little head and watch his little face move in his sleep, his tiny hand in his mouth. The year that John and I had bickered so much, that I balanced law school and working at Publius and the adoption, the year that Madison turned on me, the year that John got his promotion, that we barely saw each other, that we barely even got to talk to each other. Christ, it was hard. But when they slept. Oh, God, when they slept, I could watch it for hours.

I clutched John tighter to me, and let my quiet tears wash into his damp hair, "I love you so fucking much." I whispered.

He just slept.

He'd never know how many conversations we'd had while he slept, all the way back to when we got together, when I never slept, when I was so miserable. The nights that I'd concede to staying with him, where he'd fall asleep after insisting that he hold me, when my desire to slip away before morning, to fade away from his memory and never speak to him again so I couldn't hurt him - he was too perfect to be hurt by me - on those nights that he was too warm, and I was too tired to sneak out, and instead I'd just watch him and talk to him. Those nights before I let myself sign the lease on his love and accept him as my home, those night I'd lie awake and wonder what the fuck I'd gotten myself into with this beautiful, smart, silly man. The nights I'd grappled with letting myself love him, accepting him loving me. So long ago but the memories were still palpable.

 _I love him so goddamn much._

The sun dipped lower outside, and I woke him with kisses and fingers in his hair.

He woke up tense, but smiled through it.

"Hi, babe, I got to wake up to you." He grinned.

"You're hurting." I brushed back his hair.

His grin slipped, "yeah."

"It's time for more meds."

"No, I don't want them." He shook his head.

"Mi vida, Pip will be home soon, you don't want to be hurting."

"Okay," he sighed, "okay."

"I'll get them for you." I kissed him delicately on the lips and retreated downstairs.

I came back and handed him the bottle and a glass of water as if on cue, I heard the front door unlock and open.

"Wassup!" Hercules boomed.

Philip ran up the stairs, "come on, you guys, they're up here!"

"Hi, baby!" John hugged him over the side of the bed.

"Papi!" he crawled up on the bed and hugged me.

Hercules and Lafayette appeared in the doorway, Laf leaned against Hercules, hand on his chest, Hercules had his hand around his husband's waist, hand in the back pocket of Lafayette's dark, tailored jeans.

"I'm going to start dinner." Lafayette smiled.

"Alexander, drink with me?" Hercules offered.

"You got it." I got up and made for the doorway.

"Daddy, I need help with my homework. Can you help me?"

"Absolutely, baby. I'd love to."

I followed Hercules down the stairs and poured us both glasses of whiskey on the rocks, his drink of choice and we went out to the back garden, it was a cool evening, my drink warmed me.

"It's no Jameson, but it gets the job done." Hercules grinned at me.

"Ugh, Jameson, blegh." I wrinkled my nose.

"How ya doing, bud?"

"I'm alive. We're okay. He's home."

"All that matters. I was a damn wreck when Laf had his appendix out, and that was nothing. He was home the next day."

"Oh I remember," I chuckled, "so much crying."

"Okay, okay, I didn't cry." He rolled his eyes at me

"Not you, John." I winked.

Hercules boomed a laugh, "alright, yeah, I'll give you that. I'm glad you guys are alright."

"Long fucking week." I drained my glass.

"Amen, brother. I'm gonna go help Lafayette."

"I should go do homework help before my husband teaches our son that semicolons are only used to make winking faces."

"Semicolons in the first grade? Dude, I don't even know how to use a semicolon."

I laughed and held the door for him, "Herc…"

"Yeah, Alexander?"

"...thanks for being here."

He clapped a hand on my shoulder, "don't mention it."


	10. Chapter 10

**I really meant to get this out last night, but just couldn't swing it, so it's extra long. Hooray! Thank you, as always for reading, reviews mean the world to me. Enjoy a little bit of angst for your Fourth of July (happy birthday America!)... and hey, same amount of fingers and toes next time I see you, okay? Don't go blowing yourselves up tonight, have fun and don't be too stupid out there.**

* * *

"I'm so sorry I have to leave you." I sighed, tucking in my shirt and adjusting my tie.

"Alexander, I'm not a complete invalid." John rolled his eyes.

"I know. I don't mean- I just, I haven't had to leave you yet. I've been here when you needed me."

"And today your client needs you more. I'm fine. Go, do your thing."

"Okay…" I bit my lip slipping my arms into my blazer, already feeling claustrophobic.

"Go get 'em, babe," he leaned forward in bed for a kiss.

I pecked his lips and noticed how matted his hair was, I should have helped him with a shower last night. He was getting more and more steady, but I still worried about how slippery it was in there… and I mean maybe if we were already there, I could give him a little something extra.

I pushed away those thoughts and bounded downstairs. I was giddy on the train, mentally going through my arguments, it was a strong case. All of my cases were strong.

Despite taking hours, the day passed quickly. Still riding high, I called John.

"Hey, babe. How'd it go?" he sounded nervous to be excited.

My tone was cocky, _how could it not be,_ "my defendant got acquitted."

"Oh snap, who's that!" John cheered, his voice echoed with pride.

"Don't touch me, I'm too hot!" I chuckled.

"Yes! That's my man. Way to go!"

"I mean, we knew I'd win." I shrugged, still grinning.

"You always do. Think you'll beat Pip and Laf home?"

"Sure fucking hope so. I want to celebrate." I growled.

"Ooh." He giggled.

"I'll see you soon." I hung up and hopped off the train, barely containing my joy as I rode the escalator.

I hurried in the house and went upstairs where I found John, hair damp, new clothes on.

"You took a shower?" I bit my lip and pulled off my blazer.

"Yeah, so?" he shrugged.

"What- what if you'd fallen… I wasn't here…"

"Alex, I can do things for myself," he reminded me playfully.

"I know you can, I just, John if anything happened to you." I was being overprotective, but after what we'd been through, how could I not be?

"Alex," he set his jaw, "I can do things for myself."

"I, what? Of course you can! What are you pissy with me for? For wanting to keep you safe?" I went into our closet and yanked off my tie and changed into comfortable clothes, finally feeling less claustrophobic.

"No, for treating me like a child!"

I went back into the bedroom, "I'm treating you like a child for caring about you? Sure, John, that's what it is, I'm shit at taking care of you, right? Because you get to take care of everyone just because, right? But, oh, when it comes time for someone else to take care of you they're the bad guy, right? Or is it just that I'm bad at it?"

"This isn't about you!"

"It's about you, huh? Is that it? So, what now, because clearly I can't do anything to take care of you. So what do you want from me?"

"I don't want anything from you!" he crossed his arms and seethed.

"Okay, great! That's perfect. I'm sorry you married such a fuck up!"

"Jesus, Alexander, can I have one thing? One damn thing?"

"Sure, whatever, remind me to give Laf a fucking medal for putting up with your moody ass." I slammed the door behind me. He yelped and I thought of his dad, all of those slammed doors.

I hung my head. _We didn't slam doors. We'd talked about that when Philip was little. We weren't door slammers_. _You piece of fucking shit, Alexander. Really! Really?_

"Great, yeah, you get to leave because I can't!" He shouted after me, I stalked down the stairs. This was not how I intended for this afternoon to go. I poured a cup of coffee, wishing it was whiskey and gripped the counter.

"You fucking idiot. It really _isn't_ about you." I squeezed my eyes shut and continued to admonish myself.

The door unlocked and opened.

"Papi!" Philip ran in, throwing his backpack on the ground and hugged me.

"Hi, hijo!" I faked a smile for him.

"Can you make me a snack to take up and share with daddy?"

"Sure, I can make you a snack, I don't think your daddy wants me to make him one, though."

"How come? Is he not hungry?"

"Right. Yup, he's not hungry." I smiled, _don't you dare bring this baby in the middle._

Lafayette cleared his throat as I cut an apple, he had an eyebrow raised, arms folded over his chest, I handed Philip the bowl with his apple slices and peanut butter, he raced up the stairs.

"I would ask if you lost in court today and that explains your mood, but that has never happened… so what's this?"

"John." I glowered out the window.

"What about him?"

"His attitude. He's pissy with me for trying to keep him safe."

"Getting angry when people try and take care of him is the Jack way of life... I should know. Did he also do something stupid to prompt this?"

"Yeah,"

Lafayette laughed, "that is also the John way."

"How'd you handle him the first time around?"

"Watched over him from as far away as I could, let him do the stupid things, cleaned up after him."

"Why?"

"I love him. It is that simple. And you love him, but he needs you to love him farther away. Let him make silly decisions, maybe even get hurt, he'll be alright, I think that his getting shot days are behind him. Apologize to him, he will forgive you."

"I slammed the door in his face." I hung my head.

"That one will take flowers, how about I take Philip tonight, it is Friday, he can sleep over at mine and you and John can fix things."

"You sure? We've asked a lot of you lately."

"Of course I am sure, I love him like my own, and I love you both as well."

"Merci."

"Go, get him flowers, I will help petit put together his things."

"Thank you, Laf. Really."

"Go."

I walked down the street to the flower stand and picked a giant bouquet, spending too much money, _willing to spend even more if it would make things better._ I blew out a breath and mounted the stairs, Lafayette and Philip had left already. I knocked on the door timidly.

"Come in." His voice had had its hard edge replaced with resignation.

I opened the door slowly and held the flowers out, "forgive the least deserving man?"

He nodded and tears streamed down his wrinkled up face, he held his arms out to me, I hurried to him and hugged him, he cried against my chest. I brushed back his hair.

"I'm so sorry, John. I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry, too. I just want to be able to do things. I hate this… I hate this and it's all my fault."

"Can I sit with you?"

He nodded and I got in bed with him, wrapping my arms around him, trying to hold all of his pieces together.

"I wanted to be all cute with you, but I just… I wanna be normal 'me' again."

"Shh, you're perfect, mi vida, mi amante, mi querido." We slid down further into the bed.

"And Patsy called me today." He wiped his face.

"Yeah?" I rested my hand on his hip, we lie face to face.

"Freaking David's freaking leaving her, been freaking cheating on her. I want to go and bash his stupid freaking face in, but I'm chained to this bed. I can't even be with my sister."

I tried to take seriously a grown man threatening another man's life while using the term 'freaking.'

"I'm sorry you can't be with her."

"Just as well… I'd go to jail." He pressed his lips into a tight line.

"I'd make sure Lafayette baked you a cake with a file." I winked at him.

"I'm so sad for her… and for Ellie. David's moving out this weekend."

"I'm sorry, querido."

"I just, like, I wanted to put it away, 'cause you were all excited about court and I'm finally feeling up for, you know," he grinned, "doing you."

"Oh are you?" I smirked.

He nodded, "but we kind of blew it, didn't we."

"We both did, but hey, I'm the one who slammed the door. I'm _really_ sorry."

He took a deep breath and swallowed, "it's fine, sometimes doors get slammed, sometimes doors get slammed and nobody gets hurt." He gave me a strained grin.

"I'm _never_ going to hurt you, John. Never."

"I know. I know because we've each mad loads of times, you never have. Not even once."

"Never, amante."

"It's just still kind of a thing for me." He drummed his fingers where they lie on my hip, releasing nervous energy.

Slowly, and in plain sight I reached out and took his chin in my hand, running my thumb over his cheek. He giggled and nuzzled into my touch, he was over it. That was the blessing of my John, he could get worked up, fiery and angry, but just as soon as his temper came it left again.

"How about we order some takeout and we watch a movie - your pick - and get drunk on whatever's downstairs, I rub your whole body while whispering cute shit against your skin until every inch of you breaks out into goosebumps, and then we do exactly what grown ups do when their babies are away for the night?"

He blushed and a grin consumed his face, his eyes crinkling, "I think that sounds fantastic."

"Just one question…" I cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh? What's that?" He asked breathily.

"Pizza or Thai?"

He moaned before cracking up into a fit of giggles, he composed himself back into our silliness, "talk dirty to me."

I kissed him, "mm, warm, gooey, pizza, or ooh, spicy, hot Thai?"

He guffawed, "okay, okay," he wheezed, "you gotta stop, I'm dying."

I sat up, tucking my knees under me, "okay, but what to you want for real?"

"What's open later?"

"Querido, sometimes it's like you forget how New York works, that's not a real question… and, why?"

"'Cause, I think maybe I want you first, dinner later."

I shook my head, "nope, not one of your choices, my plan is a great plan, we're sticking to it, it won't work if we go out of order."

"Fine. Thai," He rolled his eyes, "but I want you to have it delivered so I can make out with you."

"Ooh, my pleasure." I placed our order and leaned over him, gathering the hair and the nape of his neck in my fist and kissing him delicately, trying to make my kiss say, _it's alright, I've got you, it's okay now._

His tongue slid between my parted lips and I gasped as it found my own. He giggled into the kiss, and he tasted so sweet, I sucked his tongue lightly, enough to make his giggle become a moan, his hands knotted in my hair. We broke apart and I saw how dark with want his hazel eyes were.

"You make me feel like I'm nineteen again," he sighed.

"God, I'm sorry for that one." I shuddered at the thought.

"It wasn't all that bad." He smirked.

"Nope, wouldn't go back if you paid me."

"Someday we're going to have a nineteen year old."

"Oh, please don't say that, God, Pip's going to be a monster when he's nineteen."

"Only because he's going to be just like you."

"Ugh, definitely don't say that… and I don't know, he's got an awful lot of you in him." I nudged him.

"He's screwed."

"We'll worry about it later."

I went down to get our food when the doorbell rang, retrieved the rum from the freezer, and we put on some sappy romance movie while we ate our dinner in bed. Our half emptied containers set aside with the half drunk bottle, I sat John up and got the massage oil out.

"Clothes off, sir." I instructed.

He complied and pulled his shirt off.

"All of them." I pursed my lips.

"Ooh, okay, I see." He slipped out of his joggers.

"Your stitches are looking good." I remarked.

"Definitely better than they were. This is no fair, you should be naked, too."

"I suppose," I took my own clothes off and sat behind him, warmed some of the oil in my hands and started to rub his shoulders, "put your hair up for me?"

He knotted it on top of his head, giving me free access to his neck.

"Mmm, that feels incredible." He moaned.

I kissed the nape of his neck, right where his hair stopped, growing in short, tight curls, "you remember our wedding night?"

"I was just thinking about that. That was a fun night."

"You know what I'm thinking about?"

"What?"

"Making tonight even better."

"Impossible."

"I'm not one to turn down a challenge."

I held his arm out and kissed my way down, suckling at the inside of his wrist, he leaned back into me. I worked my way back up to his neck and nibbled at his ear, whispering how beautiful he was while my mouth was right there. I slipped out from behind him and massaged his quads, they'd been catching since the surgery and they spasmed at my touch, I sucked in the hollow of his hip, working my way up to his navel, licking at the light trail of hair that grew beneath it and led down between his hips.

His body was the softest it had ever been, looking more like mine. I held the flesh of his flank, enjoying the more robust give under my fingers, a contrast to the usual taught, angular body he'd always had.

"I guess I've gotten a little squishy, on bedrest, huh?" he noticed me staring.

"I love your body, querido. Sexy, so fucking sexy."

"I miss my abs. I work hard for them," he flexed, "there they are, come back, friends!"

"You're silly. Gotta say, too, your ass is looking fine. I found you, Ms. New Booty!"

"Yeah?"

"Fuck yeah." I sat at the foot of the bed and uncovered his feet, I rubbed them and worked my way up his legs.

He sighed and held his arms out toward me, I obliged and met him at the top of the bed where he kissed me.

"I don't know who, and I don't know how, but someone's getting dick." I told him.

"Sounds like you want it, you and your, 'both my knees work' self."

My cock twitched at this, "yeah?"

"Yeah, come here." He got the lube out from the nightstand and rolled us onto our sides, me in front of him.

I leaned back against the warm expanse of his body as he traced over my skin, he nibbled at my shoulder, hand gripping the meat of my ass. I let out a moan that was almost all breath and his first finger found my entrance. I bucked my hips and pushed back, desperate for me.

"You're so greedy sometimes." He giggled.

"It's your fault for making me want you so bad."

He continued to work me open at a pace far slower than I preferred.

"Patience, love." He murmured against my neck.

"I'm ready." I insisted.

"Are you sure?" He hooked his fingers and I threw my head back against him.

"Fucking promise."

He slipped his fingers free, rolled on his back and lubed his cock, pretty, standing at attention. I got on my knees and straddled him, sitting back on him. I hissed and bit my lip, throwing my head back.

"Oh, Alex, this feels so good. Missed this so much." He gripped my thighs.

"Fuck, John, feels so fucking big." I sat at the base for a moment, acclimating to taking him before I started to move, bouncing up and down.

He moaned and looked up at me as I set the pace, "God, Alex, you're so tight. Makes me feel so good."

I leaned back to play with his balls and prod at his prostate from the outside. His face twisted in pleasure at the combining sensations.

"Touch me, goddammit." I begged and looked down at my weeping, untouched cock.

"Of course, darlin'."

He tugged at my cock and my breathing quickened. I rode him harder, desperate chasing my orgasm, his cock, his hands, he felt too good. I shot off, covering his chest and he moved his hands, now sticky with my come to my hips and held me down, his eyebrows coming together, mouth in a perfect circle. His belly flexed in time as he came, abs reminding us that they were still there. I leaned over him, pressing our damp foreheads together, not sure I could trust my legs yet.

"Fuck, you're so good." I panted, licking my lips.

"And you. God, you're… I don't even… words…" He grinned up at me.

I slid off of him and handed him a baby wipe before cleaning myself up. I snuck downstairs and poured us both bowls of cereal and went upstairs again.

He giggled at me.

"What?"

"Just your after-sex cereal."

"I don't smoke anymore, need something after that." I handed him a bowl and sat next to him.

"I missed that." John sighed and ate a spoonful of cocoa puffs.

"God, me, too."

"You're so sexy, Alex."

"Nowhere near as sexy as you are, mi amor."

"Been a long couple weeks."

"Yeah, it has."

"I was pretty scared," he admitted.

I took a bite of cereal, "yeah, I was, too."

"Like, I don't think I've been that scared since Philip cracked his head open. Remember that?"

"At the park when he tripped and fell, I'll never forget it."

"What was he, two?"

I shook my head, "he was three, remember, I made partner like two weeks later."

"That's right! Oh, God, that was scary. He bled so much. His poor little head."

"So much blood, he was so calm about it, though."

"He was, wasn't he. It was me and you freaking out."

"We waited forever."

"I thought you were going to actually eat the triage nurse, like unhinge your jaw and swallow her whole."

I chuckled, "she took too long. You were _this_ close to punching the actual doctor when he was stitching him up."

John made a face, "he hurt my baby."

"He was stitching him up, he made it better."

John pouted, "still made him cry."

"I didn't think we were going to make it through that night."

"We were all in tears by the time we got home."

I remembered it so clearly, "we all slept right here, Pip between us. Can't even see the scar now."

"Too much hair." John laughed.

"We sure have seen some shit together, haven't we?"

"That's the truth… God, I'm so sad for Patsy."

"I know, so am I."

"I really do want to punch David… right in his dick."

I cupped myself protectively, still naked, "maybe we don't talk about dick punching right now?"

"Well, I do want to, though."

"I know you do… no punching."

He rolled his eyes, "yeah, yeah, Pip needs me and I don't look good in orange."

"Exactly." I kissed his cheek.

"Can we go to bed? I'm so tired, most physical activity I've had in a minute."

"Only if you promise to stay naked so I can fondle you all night."

He giggled, "done."

I clicked the lights off and we settled against each other, our new position feeling more normal.

"It's been a long time since we got to sleep naked." I mused, drinking in his bare skin, warm and soft against me.

"'Cause someone doesn't know how to knock."

"He just gets excited to see us."

"I don't know why. We're pretty lame."

"Speak for yourself," I nipped at his shoulder.

"None of that, I'm sleeping." He swatted at my hip.

"Not if I can help it." I gripped his hip and ground myself against him, enjoying his just barely rounder ass.


	11. Chapter 11

**This one's short, but I figured that we could all use a little bit of fluff. Is there anything that you guys are dying to see? I know a lot of you have become big fans of this universe, any paths you want to wander down? I try to fit your suggestions in when you give them to me. Thank you so much for reading!**

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"Papi, come play, daddy's really silly!" Philip tugged at my arm.

"Okay, just a minute." I typed, trying to finish up notes for a case.

"Papi!" He whined.

"Alright, okay, I'm coming."

He pulled me out of my chair, damn, the kid was strong. I chuckled and followed him to the hall, John stood in the doorway of our bedroom.

"Show him, show him! Do it again!" Philip pleaded of John, his hands clasped under his chin.

John giggled and reached up to the molding around the door and pulled himself off the ground, I watched his chest muscles tighten under his shirt.

"Please don't break our house." I muttered.

"I'm not going to break the house," he giggled breathlessly.

"Well, don't break yourself either."

He kept going, letting out a little grunt with each pull up, veins visible in his biceps. I bit my lip and watched his body work, the grin on his lips, the fire in his eyes, my mouth watered at the sight; at his body, at his confidence, at how happy he seemed. He was John again, in this very moment my John was back.

He got to ten and lowered himself back to the floor, letting his left foot take him weight.

"Papi can you do that?" Philip looked at me expectantly.

"Nope."

"One time?"

"Not even half of one time."

"Try!"

"Nope."

"I wanna try."

"Okay, but just once." I picked him up, he was getting heavier, growing like a weed.

I held him up to the doorframe, John leaned on his cane and watched as Philip reached for the doorframe.

"I'm up pretty big!"

He struggled to get his little arms to hold himself up, I raised him slightly without his noticing.

He gasped, "look! I'm doing it!"

I lowered him back to the floor. He did a little dance.

"I'm strong! Strong like my daddy!"

"Way to go." John high fived him and winked at me.

"Papi, did you see how strong I was?"

"I sure did, my two tough guys." I nudged him playfully.

"Are you sure you can't do one?" He begged.

"I promise you, I can't."

"How come?"

"Didn't eat enough vegetables as a kid." I shrugged.

"Oh, well, I eat lots and lots of vegetables. Me and daddy are gonna go up to the studio, 'kay?"

"Have fun. Make something cool."

He ran up the stairs.

"You can't do sexy shit like that in front of our kid like that, man, uncool, uncool." I told John and grabbed his ass and kissed him, giving his ear a tug with my teeth.

"Not my fault." He shrugged.

"I'm glad you're feeling better, now you'd better get up there before the boy does some crazy shit to your canvases." I kissed his cheek.

"He wouldn't." John sighed.

"He would." I countered.

"He wouldn't."

"He would."

"...he might." John laughed and started his slow ascent up the stairs.

I watched him climb, slowly, taking a second every few steps to take a deep breath and convince his leg to work. I didn't offer to help him, _it would go so much faster if he'd let me,_ I said nothing, and went back to my office to keep working.

Eventually, I went downstairs and started dinner for us all. I texted John when food was ready, offering to either eat all together in our room or down at the table.

He texted his response, **Im pretty sure i live up here now**

 **Doing alright?**

 **im good. Just… long way down… picnic in bed sounds good. see you in 39 years**

 **You've got this ;)**

I brought dinner up on a tray and sat it on my-turned-his bedside table. Philip was at my heel, following me like a puppy.

"Can I help?" He offered, eyes bright.

"How about you help me make the bed? We're having a pajama picnic tonight."

"Should I go put on my pajamas?"

"Nah, pajamas optional, just go pull up the corner of the blankets over there."

He went over top of the bed and hoisted the thick duvet up to the pillows.

"Good job, hijo."

"What's for dinner, papi?"

"Black bean tacos."

He sighed in relief, "oh, good, I actually like those. When's daddy going to make dinner again?"

John made it down the stairs and answered, "maybe tomorrow, baby. That sound good?"

"Uhuh uhuh, yeah yeah yeah! 'Cause you're the best cook in the family. Except cookies, I like uncle Laf's cookies the best."

"Papi tries though," John kissed my cheek, "and gets better every time."

We sat on the bed, John with his knee up on a stack of pillows. We ate our food and put on a movie of Philip's choosing.

"Monster's Inc. is the best, and the monsters aren't even scary. They're corny!" Philip laughed as John clicked through to set it up.

Philip settled in between us and was asleep before Sully even brought Boo back with him.

"He still looks like a baby when he sleeps." John grinned, sweeping Philip's hair back.

"Doesn't he, sometimes I catch a glimpse of him and it's like looking at the baby we brought home." I wriggled down the bed until my head was parallel with Philip's, I kissed his forehead and he rolled away from John and flopped an arm over my neck, squeezed tightly and continued to snore softly.

I grinned up at John and whispered, "did you see that shit?"

His face was melted into a look of adoration, "that was adorable."

John worked his way down the bed and reached his arm over Philip and found my waist, holding us both.

"I think I'm gonna go back to work on Monday." He whispered.

"You sure that's a good idea?"

"I just sit all day, give me a few more days and I'll be okay… I'll even take an Uber. That make you feel better?"

"I guess so."

"Alex, didn't you see the last few papers? The layout was crap. They need me."

"Of course they need you." I reached over Philip to run my thumb over John's jaw.

"Do you think we should just let Pip sleep with us tonight?" He tried to sound casual, but I could hear the pleading in his voice.

"Sounds good to me."

"You think you can sneak away to get him some jammies?"

"Yeah, I got it, want anything while I'm up?"

He shook his head and disentangled myself from Philip before going on my mission. I changed and then got a pair of pajama pants from Philip's room. John sat up and helped me get Philip's jeans off and he shushed him when he stirred as I put his pajamas on. The baby stretched, yawned, opened his eyes enough to scowl at me and then curled into John who pulled him up onto his chest and whispered to him. Philip tangled his fingers in John's hair and snuffled as he fell deeper asleep. I turned the lamps off and got in bed with them, holding John, my other hand traced circles on Philip's back.

"Goodnight, babe." he kissed me.

"Night, you're in total heaven right now, aren't you?"

"Oh, yeah. He doesn't really do this anymore."

We slept. In the morning, I woke in John's arms, Philip lie on top of both of us, perpendicular to us, sleeping form draped across us.

"Fuck is this?" I whispered to John.

"I don't even know."

Philip kicked his leg out, starfishing, his heel made contact with my groin. I gulped and winced. John giggled and made a sympathetic face. I moved Philip's foot off of the sensitive area.

"This is why he has his own bed." I breathed through the pain, waiting for my voice to lower to an adult octave.

"You okay?" John asked.

"I'm good." I snuggled closer to John, the morning was cool.

We lie there for a long time until we absolutely had to get up. Philip shivered and groped for the blankets. I sat up and crooned to him, "wake up, hijo. School time."

"Nope," he found the edge of the blanket and rolled himself up.

"Pip, come on."

"Shh, papi, it's rude to talk to people that are sleeping!"

"Good thing you aren't sleeping."

He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, "I would like to be."

"No, sass-master, time to wake up, maybe daddy will give you some cuddles for a few minutes, but we need to get a move on."

"Daddy," he whined, "make papi be quiet."

"Sorry, baby, never once have I been able to do that." John patted Philip's back.

Philip curled under John's arm while I slipped out of bed, put my glasses on, and got myself ready. When I came back he was sitting up, yawning and rubbing his eyes.

"I have a lot of things I have to learn at school today." Philip grumbled and I handed him a cup of milk and he sipped at it.

I yawned and rubbed my face, sipping my coffee waiting for the world to come into focus to my bleary eyes. John burst out laughing.

"What?" I sighed.

"You two! You're the same person."

"Ugh, my sight words are gonna kill me." Philip downed the rest of his milk, handed me his empty glass, slid off of the bed and walked toward his room, hand on the back of his neck, grumbling to himself.

"Damn," I grinned, "that's my boy. The singing and dancing shit's all you, though, querido."

John shrugged, "yeah maybe."


	12. Chapter 12

**Alright, gang, this is it. New installment to come. I'm entertaining a different universe, but the LYNITS one will continue, but we've come to the end of the ride. Thank you so much for being here. I know that this one was shorter, but we made it through the plot. You guys make these projects happen. Thank you one million times over. Thank you, thank you! Enjoy the last chapter of this guy.**

* * *

John had been back to work for almost three weeks, things were mostly normal again, if not at a slower pace.

I sat at the piano with Philip. I wouldn't have ever bought one myself, but since the previous owners hadn't wanted to move it I benefited off of having it.

"Try again." I instructed him.

"Ugh, but scales are boring, papi, I want to play a song!"

"But they're important, hijo. Come on," I set the tempo with my left hand, and he caught on, playing his scale, "one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Good."

"It's the same no matter what you say, papi, you're just making sure it's the right fastness, it doesn't have to be _so_ boring! Potato, dog, elephant, bird, ketchup-" he made error after error and I stared him down out of the corner of my eye.

"Try again. Count… with numbers."

He got a twinkle in his eye, spritely, "un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf."

"Better, why are you getting all wonky toward the end? Here," I played the scale and he watched, playing imaginary keys on his thigh, "see? Try like that."

"Can I still count in French? It _is_ very fancy."

I sighed, "sure, Pip."

He played, "un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf."

"No, hijo," I poised my fingers over the keys, "seven, eight, nine."

He grinned at me, "sept, huit, neuf!" he played it harder and higher.

"Doing it louder doesn't make it right."

"It sounds right to me."

"Cool, still doesn't make it actually right."

"I like it."

"Great, and when you're a famous composer, you can make it sound however you want it to, but for right now, you get to learn boring old scales just like everyone else."

"I'm probably not gonna be a composer."

"Still going to be a crime fighting, astronaut, lawyer, artist?"

"Maybe…"

We played the scales again, Philip staying much more in control.

"Hey, papi?"

I kept playing, blending scales into an old tune that only my fingers remembered, "yes, love?"

"How come I don't have a mama?"

I stopped playing and put an arm around him, this had come up more and more lately, "well, Pip, we've talked about this, all families look different, some families have two daddies, some have two mamas, some get one of each, some little kids live with their aunts and uncles, some live with their grandparents, when I moved to New York, I lived with my cousin. Family is just the people who love us."

He looked at the ground and poked one of the keys, it echoed brightly around the room, "I used to have a mama."

I took his chin in my hand and lifted his face up to look at me, "everyone has a mama, mamas are people who make us, remember, it takes a mama and a papi to make a new person? But sometimes the mama and the papi can't be mamas and papis like they want to be, for you, that meant daddy and I got to make you part of our family."

"Is Miss Eliza my mama?"

I sighed, "no, hijo."

"But you said she was holding me when you met me. 'Cause she just had me?"

"No, you know Miss Eliza helps babies who need to find good mamas or daddies find them and she thought that you needed to be in mine and daddy's family."

"Is daddy the daddy who made me? 'Cause… it couldn't have been both of you… since you telled me that it's one mama and one daddy and, well, I look a lot like daddy."

"No, baby, you just happen to look like daddy, it's kind of neat, though, huh?"

He giggled and covered his mouth, "wouldn't it be silly if I looked like you and daddy? Like if you were the papi and daddy was the mama!"

"That would be very silly, wouldn't it?"

He nodded slowly, turning serious again, "...was my mama who made me pretty?"

"I don't know, hijo."

"'Cause she wasn't alive anymore?"

"That's right, baby."

He bit his thumbnail and knit his eyebrows together, "do all mamas have to be not alive?"

"What? No! No no, lots of mamas are alive."

"But I don't have abuelas either… and they were you and daddy's mamas."

"Everyone dies, hijo, it happens, it's part of life. It's very sad, but it happens to everyone."

Tears welled in his eyes, "so, aunt Patsy's gonna die? 'Cause she's Ellie's mama."

"Well, eventually, but hopefully not for a very, very long time."

"Will you and daddy will die?"

I wiped his tears away, "someday."

"Dying is stupid."

"I agree."

He sobbed and leaned over in my lap, I rubbed his back, "I'm gonna have to find a new daddy and papi! Will Miss Eliza help me again? She did a really good job to find you guys… she could probably find me a good daddy and papi again."

I got up and took Philip's hand and guided him to the oversized leather chair that sat near the piano, I hugged him in my lap, "your daddy and I aren't going anywhere."

He cried harder, "but daddy was hurt real bad!"

I held my crying boy, "he was hurt, but he's okay now, right? Safe and at home, he's almost all the way better now."

Philip sat up and pawed his tear damp hair away from his face before wiping the snot gathering on his upper lip with the back of his hand. I let it go when he wiped his hand on my shirt.

"He still walks like he's h-hurt."

"Well, it's going to take some time, but he's not going to die. Neither of us. Not until you're big, and have babies of your own, and a happy life."

He nodded like maybe he believed me.

"Sometime, p-probably I'm gonna die."

I held him tighter, "a million years from now. Long, long time from now."

He sniffled and rubbed his hand over my chin.

John unlocked the door and walked in, hanging his scarf and jacket up and shot me a concerned glance. I mimed a look of fear and then crossed my eyes and stuck my tongue out to mime being dead. John's lips tightened to one side as he worked his cheek between his teeth. He crossed the room, getting ever faster and stronger.

"Hey, what's all this?" He rubbed Philip's back.

Philip sat up, "I don't want you to die."

"Me either, that would sure be a bummer, huh? I'm not gonna die for a long long time. Who would annoy your papi if I wasn't around?"

"I help annoy him!" Philip reminded John.

"That you do, love, so come, no more being sad over this, no one is dying, okay?"

He nodded slowly.

"Now, go get yourself cleaned up, people are coming over soon, okay?"

Philip sniffled hard and hugged me before getting off my lap to go upstairs.

"So, what happened?" John asked me, taking Philip's place on my lap, he leaned his cane against the arm of the chair.

"Just started asking about why he didn't have a mom and then decided that everyone's mom dies since both of our moms died and his did as well. He also asked if Eliza was his real mom and you were his dad."

"Kid's sensitive, he's trying to figure it all out. It's his age, and I know my surgery got him thinking about life and death." John sighed.

"Got us all thinking about it for a minute, there," I brushed his cheek.

"Oops." He said with a light laugh.

"How was work?"

He shrugged, "it was fine, I guess. Print really is dying."

"Well, we'll figure it out."

"I mean, I'm good, things are fine, it's just changing so much."

I nodded, John stood back up and started for the kitchen.

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Can you just straighten the shoes in the foyer? I keep almost dying on light-up shoes."

"You got it. Just as long as you never say foyer again, I may have come to terms with being a gazillionaire and making shit tons of money myself, by foyer's still too pompous."

He giggled over his shoulder, "fine the... doorway?"

"That's better."

I went and straightened up the pile of shoes that Philip was prone to kick off as soon as he got home and hung up his backpack, also tossed to the floor. Philip came down to help John in the kitchen. I followed them and hung back, hopping up to sit on the island.

"Alex… can you help?" John stared down at Philip reaching up the counter to try and help John.

"Yup," I hopped off the counter, and pulled a kitchen chair with me, Philip jumped up onto the chair and then started to dig his hands in the dough again, "ack! Espérate! Wait, hijo. Your sleeves, your hair."

He held up his floury hands for me to push back the sleeves of his sweatshirt and I looped his hair into a bun on top of his head with the hair tie on my wrist. He and John worked together on the garlic knots for dinner. When the buzzer went off, I greeted company. Eliza was first, she'd brought her sister, Peggy along, I hadn't seen her in years, she bowled me over hugging me.

"Hey, kid." I grinned, taking her in. She was a woman, tall and confident, her smile still as bright as the sun.

"Missed you, Alex." She squeezed me again.

"Hi." I helped Eliza with her coat.

"Make yourselves at home, John and Philip are just finishing up."

Hercules and Lafayette arrived soon after. We all chatted and drank fancy wine that Lafayette brought, eating dinner, complimenting my boys on their handiwork. I eventually put Philip to bed. John was telling our guests stories and making comfortable small talk, I pulled my knees up in front of me and dozed accidentally between lulls in the conversation. Peggy and Eliza left first, I let myself nap seeing that Herc was dozing, too - hands clasped over his broad chest, head tilting down - still listening as John and Laf talked. John was warm, he smelled like home.

When John woke me the house was empty and dark. I looked around and felt like an asshole for not saying goodbye to our friends.

"Hercules was snoring, Lafayette decided it was time to go. Come to bed."

I shook my head and curled into the couch.

"Alex," John whined, "please don't make me sleep all alone in our big bed."

I realized he was going to bed and I sat up and stretched before following him to the staircase, He handled the stairs more confidently, he let me take some of his weight, and still sleep groggy I went as slow as he did up the stairs.

I didn't feel like putting on pajamas and just tugged off my shirt and pants. John stared at me and I got under the blankets.

"What?" I mumbled.

"Just looking at you. You're so damn fine."

"Shut up." I smiled a little, settling into the pillows, starting to fall back asleep.

"It's true," he curled against my side, "will you hold me?"

"'Course." I snuggled up to his back, his bare skin on mine was so warm, and his ass so fine, I rutted against it without meaning to.

"Not too tired for that, huh?"

"Don't pick on me, it's not my fault that wine makes me tired… I only got two hours of sleep last night."

"Whose fault is that?" He giggled.

"Be nice." I yawned and squeezed him tighter.

"I love you, tired old man." He tilted his hips back against me.

"I love you, querido." I kissed his shoulder and then sucked on it lightly before sinking my teeth gently into the skin there.

"Ow!" He complained.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"Don't be, it was kind of hot."

"Good night." I fell asleep, surrounded by his warmth, enveloped by our love.


End file.
